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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 10, 2017 20:48:07 GMT -5
"How can you ask me to understand? You love me but you won't be with me. How can I understand that? I can't just see you and not love you, Julian! I can't do that, I never could!" Her legs were tangled in her blanket and she once again felt restricted by the machines that were supporting and monitoring her. But what was the point in being monitored if she was simply going to die of a broken heart?
Lyra needed to get up, he'd understand then. He would see that she wasn't some weak thing he needed to keep safe. Julian could be free to love Lyra if she wasn't so weak! She pulled at the wires that connected her to the heart monitor and when she managed to remove them from her chest the rhythmic beeping of her heart monitor turned into a single, solid tone that filled the room. Lyra stumbled out of the bed and grabbed him, her legs weak but managing to hold her.
"Please don't do this, Julian! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I promise I'll be better. I will! Please! I can't be near you and not be with you! I love you!"
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Post by Julian Faust on Jan 11, 2017 0:44:19 GMT -5
He was resigned. There was nothing she could say, nothing she could do to change his mind. She had changed his mind once, and it had led to this, he was more determined than ever.
But she startled him when she began pulling at her monitors and hydration drip.
"Lyra!" he said jumping into action and catching her.
"Enough! Lyra..." he said softly looking into her pleading eyes. He realized then how deeply he had failed her. He almost wished she really had been having an affair with Nik. At least then she wouldn't be hurting like this.
"I have to go. I won't be here for you to see."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 11, 2017 0:49:27 GMT -5
Her eyes were glassy as she looked up at him. She was terrified by how severely she loved him but it wasn't enough to change his mind. Her lip quivered as he said he wouldn't be around.
"What do you mean? You can't leave! Where are you going?"
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Post by Julian Faust on Jan 11, 2017 0:59:27 GMT -5
"I'm leaving Lyra." he said with finality. He softened, "It's for the best love. You'll see that." though he wasn't entirely sure she would, and he wasn't entirely sure it was for the best, but he knew he couldn't stay.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 11, 2017 1:13:03 GMT -5
"Where are you going?" she asked again, panic evident in her voice. Her eyes darted back and forth between his as her fingers tightened around his shirt.
"Let me come with you. It will be different. Just me and you, no one else. Nothing else to worry about. We can make love and grow old together. Please Julian. Please don't leave me here! Don't leave me!" Large tears poured down her face as she begged fruitlessly and finally gave over and simply pressed her face into his chest.
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Post by Julian Faust on Jan 11, 2017 1:23:32 GMT -5
He couldn't say anymore. There was nothing more to say. His heart was heavy, his throat ached from the tears he was holding back. All that he could do now was hold her.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 11, 2017 1:44:30 GMT -5
Her world was ending, the light of her life leaving her and she had no where to turn. She wanted to continue to beg him to stay but there was no point in it. He wouldn't tell her where he was going; he didn't want her to follow. He didn't want her with him.
Lyra clung to Julian as he held her. Her sobs became silent tears that she pressed into his shirt, her body shaking with the force of the love she felt for him. This was worse than dying.
When she felt she could speak again she looked up at him, her grip not loosening a single bit as her eyes met his. "Will you be happy?" Julian's happiness meant so much more than her own. If Julian would be happy, then there was hope that one day she'd find peace in his absence. One far off day.
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Post by Julian Faust on Jan 11, 2017 1:48:19 GMT -5
Would he be happy knowing that he couldn't damage her anymore with their toxic love? Yes. Would he actually experience real happiness without her in his life? No.
Lyra had been a miracle. She found her way to his heart and took complete possession after he had sworn never to love again. He was immensely grateful for what she had given him, and immensely sorry he had to let it go.
"I will." he lied.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 11, 2017 2:03:35 GMT -5
One final tear rolled down her cheek and she couldn't allow any more to follow. Lyra had only brought turmoil into Julian's life. She had broken the protective walls he had created around him, shattered his friendships, destroyed his ability to trust. He would be happy without her.
She would be miserable.
"I will always love you, Julian." She put a hand on his cheek as she spoke, her voice confident if not sad. "My shining knight, my heart. I love you."
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Post by Julian Faust on Jan 11, 2017 2:10:41 GMT -5
For as long as he lived he would never forget the look on her face as she said goodbye to him in her own way. That look would haunt him, and there was no where on earth he could hide where that look would not find him.
He opened his mouth to speak, to change his mind, to tell her to come with him, to do anything but say goodbye in return.
"Lyra-"
Dr. Reed was at the door knocking and turning the handle to come in the room.
"Oh dear child, what are you doing out of bed?!" he asked alarmed.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 11, 2017 2:24:45 GMT -5
At the sound of Dr Reed's voice Lyra shut her eyes, trying to hide from interruption. She chewed on her lower lip, her brow furrowing as a pressure swelled in her chest. She didn't answer the doctor, but released her grip on Julian and turned slowly back to the bed. She only realized now that her leg hurt when she put pressure on it. The pain in her heart had won out earlier.
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Post by Julian Faust on Jan 11, 2017 2:29:22 GMT -5
Julian moved quickly and lifted her. He paused a moment and felt the weight of her in his arms. She fit there perfectly. Her eyes were liquid starlight that trapped his soul. He wanted her. He wanted to kiss her and take away every sad thought she ever had.
Dr. Reed was still clearly worried, but he excused himself from the room.
Julian placed Lyra on the bed and quickly stepped away. "Goodbye Lyra."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 11, 2017 2:36:14 GMT -5
She wasn't ready. She would never be ready. As Julian said goodbye Lyra rolled over on the bed, turning away from him. She pulled her pillow to her chest and buried her face in it, squeezing her eyes shut, waiting for the moment to pass.
How many steps would it take him to make it out the door? How many to carry him down the hall, out the foyer, onto the porch? How long until she didn't know where he was? Didn't know if he was safe? Didn't know if he was happy?
The constant tone of the heart monitor's inability to find a pulse as it was no longer connected to her was suddenly deafening. Is this what dying feels like?
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