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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 24, 2016 2:52:48 GMT -5
The night had been so chaotic, but nothing seemed crazier than the fact that Julian was escorting Lyra home. She had broken his heart and his trust, not to mention his friendship with Mason, and yet he was still there for her when she needed him. Lyra was somewhat afraid that as soon as she stepped inside her flat he would leave and she would be all alone again, save for her house elf.
"Do you want to come inside?" she asked nervously as she unlocked her front door.
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 24, 2016 3:06:14 GMT -5
Julian didn't hesitate. His adrenaline had him in overdrive at the idea of Lyra being in danger, and while he reasonably knew that there was no danger lurking in her flat, he still wanted to be with her.
"Yes, let's get you settled in."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 24, 2016 3:11:41 GMT -5
She smiled to herself as she pushed open the door and walked into the dark room. "Lumos." The lights came to life and she moved to the sofa where she dropped her bag on the table before turning around and looking at Julian.
"Drink?" Lyra had already had plenty to drink as evident by the slight lean in her walk, but she wasn't sure what to do or say now that Julian was inside.
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 24, 2016 3:27:33 GMT -5
While the danger Lyra had faced earlier had indeed been handled, a new one rose up even more treacherous Julian realized. Perhaps it was in the lazy way she stood, or the lean in her walk, but he could tell that Lyra was sloshed.
"No, I shouldn't." he said placing his hands in his pockets so he wouldn't put them on her.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 24, 2016 3:36:24 GMT -5
The awkwardness between them was as prevalent as their first morning after. It felt like so long ago that they had drunkenly fallen into bed together. So much had changed. Except Lyra's feelings; she still cared for Julian just as much, if not more. She looked at his hands in his pockets then looked to at her shoes as she ran her fingers through her blonde hair, trying to think of something to break the silence.
"Thank you for being there tonight." She took a few steps toward him as if his body was pulling her in. "I would have been a mess without you." This was twice now that a strange man had grabbed her and she had done nothing to save herself.
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 24, 2016 3:39:56 GMT -5
They were both messes together or apart, still he denied them the only peace to be found. He stepped back as she stepped forward.
"I got there late, if Christine hadn't..." the terror was there in his voice as he thought of what could have happened to her, both now and before when she had almost been taken by M. He grew angry suddenly.
"What were you even doing in the street like that?"
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 24, 2016 3:47:03 GMT -5
His sudden anger sparked something in her. How dare he be angry. If he would just man up and admit that he wanted to be with her, she would have been in his bed tonight and not out at a club pretending she didn't miss him.
"We were out dancing. We wanted a change of venue," she replied with some heat. She took a few more steps to close the gap that he had created when he moved away from her.
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 24, 2016 3:53:21 GMT -5
"And you all just what? Thought that it was smart to go traipsing about in the middle of the night with a serial killer on the loose? A serial killer mind you that is obsessed with Sam's cousin, and has already tried to kidnap you once?"
The absolute stupidity of such an action was astounding to him.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 24, 2016 3:58:56 GMT -5
She knew as he said it that it had been a stupid move, but she had felt so confident in the decision earlier. She needed something fun for a change, and if Christine and Samantha were fine with it why shouldn't she be as well?
"He's not after me! He doesn't want me, no one wants me!" Least of all Julian.
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 24, 2016 4:13:29 GMT -5
Julian didn't respond to the bait, not because he was in control of himself, but because he found the idea of 'no one' wanting Lyra to be preposterous.
"Someone wanted you badly enough to leave that mark on your arm!" he shouted back at her.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 24, 2016 4:28:13 GMT -5
"Well maybe I'll let him have me next time," she spat back. The only reason the drunk man had grabbed Lyra was because he wanted his money back from her friends and Lyra had been mouthy.
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 24, 2016 4:35:09 GMT -5
Jealousy, anger, and adrenaline did not mix well. Evidenced by Julian's tone as he spat back at her, "I'm pretty sure if you wanted him to have you, Nik's ring wouldn't have alerted security. But by all means if your life means so little to you, prowl the night drunk and isolated. I've handled losing the first woman I loved so well, I'm sure losing the second would be easy too."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 24, 2016 4:43:36 GMT -5
"You can't lose something you insist on not keeping in the first place! I wouldn't have even been out there tonight if I wasn't trying to forget about you. Do you think I wanted to be drunk on the street in the middle of the night? I could have been safe at home with you, but you won't have me! You don't get to pretend that it would hurt if you lost me when you've forcefully shut that door in my face over and over again!"
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 24, 2016 4:55:13 GMT -5
"Don't lecture me on loss, on what you think I can and cannot lose!" he roared at her taking her by the arms and giving her a shake, "Don't you get it?! You could have died tonight!" he shook her again as the image of a lifeless Lyra ran through his mind and stole his breath nearly knocking him to the floor. He released her afraid of his own intensity.
"You don't even care... your life means so little to you and you don't even care. Why Lyra? Because of me? Because I refuse to be with you? And in denying myself the comfort of your touch I've caused the pain I had hoped to avoid." he ran his hand through his hair, "You're better than this, you're better than me."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 24, 2016 5:05:05 GMT -5
"Why does everyone keep saying that?! How do you know I'm better than this? When have I ever given off that impression that I'm better than any of this? Was it when I was sleeping with half the boys in my school? Or maybe it was when I was so pathetic that Sam had to send you in to save me? Or when I couldn't feed myself and you had to save me again. No, I know, it was when that man tried to abduct me and I couldn't even manage to defend myself! Is that why I'm better than this? Is that why I should care whether I live or die? Because I don't, Julian. I don't care. My life has been one big f*ck up after another and at this point I don't really see the point in bothering anymore."
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 24, 2016 5:12:32 GMT -5
"Don't say that!" he yelled again, an ache spreading through him. He sat on the couch as her words visibly skewered him and he raised a hand to his chest.
His eyes watered, his entire body shook. The man who was terrified of loss and the woman who thought she had nothing to lose.
"It hurts Lyra...it hurts to love you. But it would kill me to lose you."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 24, 2016 5:22:42 GMT -5
He was visibly affected by her callous disregard for her own life and it broke her. She sat on the table in front of him, their knees touching as she put her hand on his thigh in a gesture of understanding.
"It's killing me not to be with you, Julian. I love you so much. Every time I think about how much I love you my heart breaks further. I don't know what else to do to make the pain go away." The only thing that had consistently given her a release from her misery left thin scars on her thigh.
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 24, 2016 5:25:48 GMT -5
"What do you want from me Lyra?" he said finally. He was weak. He was beaten down and desperate. The idea that Lyra would react the way she had because he was too scared to have a relationship with her simultaneously convinced him that he shouldn't be with her, and terrified him enough to agree to anything she wanted.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 24, 2016 5:34:17 GMT -5
She smiled at him with sad eyes. It was so simple and yet he'd refused it several times before. She knew nothing would change now.
"I just want you, Julian. I want to see you when I miss you. I want you to hold me at night and keep the nightmares away. I want to dance under stain glass rainbows and go riding and do whatever else we want to do because we'd be so happy together, Julian. We really would be."
"We used to be happy. Remember when we could be in the same room and not hate ourselves? That's what I want, Julian. I don't want anything big. I'm not asking for the moon. I just want you."
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 24, 2016 5:41:25 GMT -5
She would grow to hate him, and he would grow to resent her. It had already begun. Julian was terrified to leave now knowing how little Lyra cared about herself, but he also wasn't in any shape to be with her. He hadn't dealt with the loss of his fiance, he simply buried the pain. He couldn't love Lyra the way she deserved to be loved, and it would hurt him to try which is why he stayed away, well it was part of the reason.
They might go in the same room and hate themselves, but the idea of going in the room with her and seeing her hate him with the same intensity that he hated himself would ruin him even more than he was already ruined.
It would never work.
But he had told her that so many times, and so many times they ended up here, only the steps taken were harder and more jagged.
"I'll try." he said certain that he was sealing their doom.
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