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Post by Julian Faust on Oct 6, 2016 13:02:12 GMT -5
Julian met her kiss with his own passion. Initially a target for Lyra's passion, he soon became the aggressor wrapping his arm around her waist and bringing her fully against the hard length of him. He wanted to warn her, he wanted to stop her, but he was a selfish bastard, he had wanted this for too long and far too much.
He pulled her back at the last minute, his eyes searching hers. He was looking for the words to say, some kind of warning.
The words were stuck in his throat but his eyes told her this was her last chance to stop them.
But before she could decide either way he lifted her once more, wrapping her legs around his waist and carried her to the bedroom.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Oct 6, 2016 17:08:49 GMT -5
Sounds of pleasure escaped her lips as he pulled her back from him. Don't stop, she willed silently. He only paused for a moment before grabbing her and hoisting her around him, carrying her off to the bedroom. Her body ached awaiting the moment when they would finally be together. She tore at his clothes, throwing them haphazardly on the floor of her room. She welcomed him into her bed and succumbed to their desires.
All pretense of simply being friends had been smashed to pieces, lying among their discarded clothes. No matter what happened after this, their relationship would be forced to change. Lyra squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in her pillow, afraid to look into his eyes for what she might find there. The alcohol had encouraged them, though it only stoked the flames of something that had been flickering for a while now. But after the blinding passion subsided she was haunted again by the portrait of Belle, and Julian's face when Lyra appeared in his foyer wearing Belle's habit. He was a broken man. Had she ruined him further? She tried to sleep, but there was no rest for the wicked. She lay silently instead, her eyes closed, pretending she didn't notice him stir.
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Post by Julian Faust on Oct 6, 2016 19:33:59 GMT -5
Julian was a passionate man. For all of his charm and noble behavior he was truly something else when it came to passion. He was also driven by the year of foreplay they had undergone. Alcohol had given him a push, but it was a welcome push that he had wanted for quite a while if he was being honest with himself.
If he was being honest with himself however, he knew nothing had changed. He was still the broken man he was before they had fallen into bed. And while their passion was intense and fulfilling, it didn't heal the rest of his scars. He still couldn't give her what she deserved.
All these thoughts came crashing upon him as soon as the deed were done. What had he done? He couldn't take it back. Did he want to? How would they move forward?
He was stuck in the same boat laying still pretending not to move trying to gather his thoughts. He shifted finally and looking at her something deep in his chest began to ache painfully.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Oct 6, 2016 19:49:00 GMT -5
Lyra lay still, wishing things had been different. If she'd drunk more, she would be sleeping now, unaware of the awkwardness in the room. If she'd drunk less, she might not have had the courage to attack him in the first place. Her body still tingled with the aftershocks of their encounter and she relaxed, allowing the sensation to wash over her.
As the feeling subsided she became conflicted once more. She had wanted this, alcohol or not, this was what she was yearning for. She should have been happy. But knowing that what she had done would only hurt Julian more made her skin crawl. She hated herself in that moment. "I'm sorry," she said at last. Her voice was low and she didn't open her eyes or even roll over to face him. She couldn't bear to see that broken look on his face again. It had terrified her seeing it before their ride the other day, but at least then she had her blissful ignorance to keep her self-loathing away. But now, if she turned and saw his face distorted in pain she would do so knowing full well she was the reason.
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Post by Julian Faust on Oct 6, 2016 19:57:50 GMT -5
She was the reason Julian was in pain, not because she had done something wrong, but because he had. His lust ruled his brain and now Lyra would suffer for it, and he would suffer for hurting her. He was feeling that pain now, the guilt, the regret.
But then the most ridiculous thing happened. Lyra apologized. Lyra apologized when it was his fault this happened in the first place.
"You have nothing...Lyra I'm sorry." he said regret full in his voice.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Oct 6, 2016 20:26:58 GMT -5
The regret in his voice broke her heart. They were both apologizing again. This time they both knew why. Still gallant, Julian shouldered the blame for her mistake. She loved him for it and hated herself further still.
She pushed herself up and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall for a moment. She tried to gather her thoughts, wishing only for him to hold her and kiss her and make her believe she wasn't the vile person she so clearly felt she was.
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Post by Julian Faust on Oct 6, 2016 21:21:57 GMT -5
"Lyra don't" he said reading her thoughts. Indeed they were both apologizing for something that neither should have apologized for. He felt so guilty in hurting her, and taking what he shouldn't have taken, but he would shoulder the blame.
"I'm the one who should apologize. I wish I could explain." he shut his mouth then and did as his instincts told him by scooping her up and holding her in his lap.
"The last thing in the world I want to do is cause you harm."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Oct 6, 2016 21:45:11 GMT -5
His hands on her skin warmed her. She gladly permitted him to pull her close and hold her. Their bare bodies pressed against each other in a completely different type of intimacy. She curled into him as she searched for the words to express the chaos she was feeling.
"You've got it backwards," she replied softly. "You've told me before and I wouldn't listen. I wanted you. And maybe you wanted me to, but..." She looked up at him finally, meeting his gaze for the first time since she had screamed his name and fell back onto the bed. She had wanted him and she still wanted him. She looked hopefully into his eyes. "I can't be her," she whispered, "but I will happily settle for second place."
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Post by Julian Faust on Oct 6, 2016 21:52:26 GMT -5
"I did want you. I do want you Lyra. I've never wanted anyone more than I want you."
He realized it was true, even his lustful desire for Belle wasn't intense as his desire for Lyra. He had wanted Belle with all the passion of a seventeen year old boy, but he wanted Lyra with the obsession of a man.
"And I would never ask you to be her." Lyra could no more be Belle, than Belle could be Lyra.
"I want you for who you are Lyra. I love you for who you are. And it's because I do love you that I can't let you be second to anyone. You deserve so much more than that. You deserve better than a broken man. You have to know that whatever heart I have left to give I've given it to you. It just isn't enough. I couldn't make you happy, not really."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Oct 6, 2016 23:21:21 GMT -5
She listened dolefully as he explained. Most of this she knew. The rest she had simply hoped. He was broken and wouldn't let himself love anyone. Lyra found some solace in the fact that he had wanted her, too. She hadn't lured him unwillingly into some trap and didn't deserve the emotional flogging she had given herself.
She would eagerly accept any fraction of his heart that he offered. She believed, as she had told him a year ago, that she could fix his heart if he let her. But while he may love her, Lyra knew that Julian's heart would never truly be hers.
"Will... will you still come 'round?" She would understand if he couldn't see her anymore. Their actions tonight had tainted their friendship. But her chest ached thinking that they might be spending their last moments together in such misery.
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Post by Julian Faust on Oct 6, 2016 23:34:55 GMT -5
Julian released a painful breath at the thought of not seeing her anymore. A possible consequence of their actions that he didn't take into account before.
"Wild horses darling." he said holding her a little tighter. Then he added hesitantly, "But we can't...I don't think this is a good idea." he said referring to their current state. He wouldn't leave her now, he was not only responsible for her, he hadn't lied when he said he loved her. Leaving her would break him.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Oct 6, 2016 23:55:42 GMT -5
Lyra nodded in agreement. They were star-crossed lovers who could only love each other from afar. Anything closer would lead to despair. She wouldn't have that for Julian. He deserved to be happy. Or at least as happy as he would ever allow himself to feel, while loving both a ghost and dream simultaneously. At least she had this one time to think of when the lonesome darkness crept in at night and threatened to smother her.
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Post by Julian Faust on Oct 7, 2016 0:27:50 GMT -5
Her thoughts mirrored his and suddenly he held her tighter, "Tomorrow." he whispered.
"Tomorrow we'll be responsible, but tonight Lyra...I think I might die if I leave you tonight." his voice was harsh and vulnerable at the same time. He was suffering torn between a dream and a memory. He couldn't go after one without letting go of the other, but underneath it all was a lonely damaged man who hadn't felt the kind of warmth Lyra offered in years. He held on to his pain, his loneliness, and nurtured it by playing the hero for others. Lyra was his hero tonight and he needed to be saved.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Oct 7, 2016 0:50:10 GMT -5
Her eyes watered but she held back the tears. There would be no point in them now. Nothing would change from her crying and she needed to spend this last night, this one night in his warm embrace. She slid from his lap to lie in the bed, pulling him gently toward her and wrapping his arm around her. If they were to have only this night, she would spend it enveloped in him. She kissed him with a sorrowful look in her eyes.
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Post by Julian Faust on Oct 7, 2016 0:56:18 GMT -5
Julian wouldn't realize it for quite some time. His stubbornness would prevent him from seeing what had happened this night, but in her acceptance of him and his needs despite her own emotions Julian let go of the past.
His fear would keep him from her. Fear of losing her the way he had lost Belle. They both would blame a dead woman for keeping them apart, but it was fear.
Since he couldn't tell her the truth, he showed her with his body all the love he had for her locked away in what was left of his heart.
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