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Post by Sean Leviner on Oct 30, 2011 14:13:47 GMT -5
Sean just nodded. He knew he needed to figure this out on his own, but it had been nearly 12 years since this started. Shouldn't he had figured it out by now? He just wanted it to go away... "I mean... I use it. That attack in Hogsmeade, remember it? I saved a little girl's life because I saw what was going to happen." He didn't mention all the other children in the same building who died because he couldn't get there fast enough.
"I know how this ends for me," Sean said slowly. "And I've come to terms with it. I just... I've seen things past that, too. How do I stop those or make sure those happen, whatever the case may be? Dad, I..." It was easier for him to talk now that he had opened up even a little, but he was still reserved around his dad. "I just want it to stop for one day. Just one day of silence."
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Post by Eric Leviner on Oct 30, 2011 23:14:43 GMT -5
Eric ached for his son. To have had these visions for so long, unable to stop them or control them, suffering in near silence... It had to be hell.
"I wish you'd told me about them sooner," he said in a quiet voice. It explained a lot, why he had never really understood Sean, why there had always been this distance between them. He'd kept this secret locked inside, holding him back from getting really close to anyone but Dan.
He sighed and reached out to Sean, pulling him close in a somewhat awkward hug. "We'll figure something out. I promise. But... you know how it ends for you? You've seen... your own death?"
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Post by Sean Leviner on Oct 31, 2011 3:08:56 GMT -5
For a moment, Sean didn't respond. There were several reasons he hadn't gone to either of his parents with this, but his father in particular. And even now, he felt like a failure that he was bringing this to Eric's attention.
"I didn't want to worry you or Mum. And I thought I was strong enough to handle this." He was regretting all of this now, to be honest. He'd gone to the last person he wanted to go to about this, only to have his father tell him there was really probably nothing he could do for Sean. But then, maybe saying everything outloud was all Sean really needed. He couldn't burden Dan with any of this. It shouldn't have been anyone's burden but his own... but he just couldn't do it.
He stiffened in his father's awkward hug, unsure of how to respond to it, but he eased up in the end. To answer the question posed for clarity, he sighed, and nodded. "Yes. Recently. At the same time the Death Eater saw me having a... vision. I was trying so hard not to have it that I only caught part of it at the time. I figured it out later." He stopped and lifted his eyes to meet his father's.
"I don't want you to worry, Dad. Daniel dies an old man, I've made sure of it. And we all have to go some time, it's part of life."
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Post by Eric Leviner on Nov 1, 2011 0:04:33 GMT -5
How was Eric supposed to respond to this? His son was telling him that he'd had a vision of his own death... and he was just accepting it. On the one hand, Eric was completely astounded by Sean's amazing maturity. But on the other hand, he selfishly wanted to fight this, to find some way to stop it from happening. No parent wants his child to die.
"Maybe there's a way... we're going to figure this out. Like you said, there's a reason you have this power... Maybe nothing is set in stone. Just don't give up. There's got to be something in those books."
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Post by Sean Leviner on Nov 1, 2011 10:52:53 GMT -5
Sean nodded, his shoulders dropping a touch as the tension left his body, just a little. "Thank you for not asking for details, Dad." The last thing he wanted to do was lie about what happened and when it happened. "I'm just... so tired," he admitted, running a hand through his hair, but the honest, candid moment barely lasted. He sat up straight again.
"I'll go to that bookstore tomorrow, see what I can find, if it's anything new. And I haven't told Dan about This," he repeated. "He's got some really good things happening for him, I think, and I don't want him worried about This." His brother was his best friend, and he would tell him eventually, but not just yet.
"Thanks again. Really."
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Post by Eric Leviner on Nov 2, 2011 0:25:33 GMT -5
Of course he wanted to ask. But he also knew Sean wouldn't tell him. This was the most honest that his youngest son had ever been with him, but there were limits, and Eric knew not to cross them by being too pushy, too demanding. The fact that Sean hadn't shared those details was telling enough--Eric knew instinctively that he didn't really want to know what they were.
"Just don't count yourself out yet, OK? Maybe there's a way... You just have to have faith."
Maybe he was channeling Ellen now, because that was more the kind of things she would say. But it felt right. He had to believe that there was hope, that the future wasn't predetermined, and that both of his sons would live to old age.
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Post by Sean Leviner on Nov 2, 2011 10:57:12 GMT -5
Sean smiled a little, as if reading his dad's mind. "You sound like Mum, now." It went without saying that they weren't going tell Ellen about this. He knew it would be difficult, but he was trusting his father to keep This secret from everyone. It was strangely personal, and to Sean, an intimate secret. He did not want it to be common knowledge.
"Anyway... thanks. I should go home. Dan's still.... a little sore from our last assignment." That was another thing the brothers had dcided not to share with their parents was the vampire bite. It wasn't as big of a deal as it sounded.
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Post by Eric Leviner on Nov 3, 2011 23:43:56 GMT -5
There really was no question about Eric telling Ellen about any of this. He hated keeping secrets from her, but there were just some things that she shouldn't know about. This was one of them. It would just go on that increasingly long list of things he kept from her for her own good.
Merlin, he hated it. Marriage was supposed to be about honesty and openness and sharing... but not for a wizard married to a muggle. He couldn't even count the number of times he had wondered whether he had done the wrong thing in marrying her. She probably would have been just as happy, if not happier, if she had married an ordinary muggle and had an ordinary life.
But he did love her, deeply. And he had vowed to protect her with his last breath... and he would do anything he could to make sure he kept that vow. Even if it meant lying to her and keeping things from her.
"You're welcome," he said gruffly, resisting an urge to reach out and ruffle Sean's hair, like he used to do when Sean was younger. "Good luck at the book store tomorrow, and let me know if you come up with anything. We're going to figure this out somehow, I promise."
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Post by Sean Leviner on Nov 11, 2011 1:41:15 GMT -5
Sean nodded, hands on his knees. He paused there for a moment, and though he were debating saying something more, and then he changed his mind, nodding again. He got to his feet and gave Eric a final, closed lip smile.
"Of course. You'll be the first to know." Now that wasn't something Eric could expect out of Sean too often.
He turned and left the house, closing the door behind him. What he'd debated telling his father was that when his time finally came.... he was happy. It may have been too soon, but he was happy, and having seen the vision, he was prepared for it, too.
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