Wide Open Spaces (Teagan)

[Natalie St. Clare]

The warmer weather was such a relief to Natalie. Winter was suffocating to her, with the bitterly cold winds and snow forcing her to stay inside the castle most of the time. The dark, dank air and raging emotions all around her made it difficult to breathe at times, and she had to go up to the towers to clear her head. She liked heights; they suited her. She hadn't seen Severus lately, even in the towers, and she suspected that he was spending far too much time practicing his potions in the dungeons to come up for air.

But now the weather was getting warm again, and Natalie was able to go back to her favorite tree. When she wasn't forced to be in class or in her dorm room, she was now up in that tree, sitting comfortably up on the branch overlooking the water.

There were a few students nearby, taunting the giant squid from the water's edge, and Natalie almost laughed at them, because she knew that they were about to fall in. She could have warned them, but if she tried, they would only tell her to butt out. She was learning that, for the most part, people made their own decisions, even if they were wrong.

[Teagan Kelly]

Teagan was happy that it was becoming warm again. She absolutely loathed the cold and winter was one of her least favorite seasons. There must be beauty in the season for some, she supposed, but she honestly didn't see it. To her, there was nothing in the least bit beautiful about being frozen and blue. It gave her the impression of being contained... of suffocation. She was slightly claustrophobic and didn't like feeling as if she was being surrounded from everywhere and nowhere at the same tiem.

Her thoughts turned once again to the outside so she decided it was time for a walk. She meandered down toward the Black Lake. As she approached it, she noticed the group of students at the edge of the Lake, taunting the Giant Squid. She smiled as she watched one of them get too close to the Lake and fall in. Loud splashes and joking could be heard as soon more people joined.

Teagan sat down at the bottom of an old tree, her eyes on the laughing group of children. What she wouldn't give for a chance to be like that... To be able to laugh normally and have friends. Her only true friend was her sister, Bryna, and her diary. She sighed loudly, putting her head on her knees, and continued to stare longingly at the Lake and laughing teens.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie, on the other hand, had no desire to join the kids by the lake. It wasn't that a part of her didn't wish she was normal; she wished for that more than anything. But the fact was, it didn't do any good to wish for things to be different than they were. She was who she was, and her "gift" was a part of that. She didn't have to like it, but she did have to live with it and accept it as it was.

She did have some friends, however few. Of course there was Severus, even if sometimes she felt him slipping away from her. She liked Lily and Rori and Amira, too, as well as Voltaire. But for the most part, she preferred to keep to herself. It was just... safer. It was hard to look someone in the eye when you could feel what they were feeling.

As Teagan sat down underneath the tree, Natalie didn't say anything at first. Teagan was her roommate, but they rarely talked anyway. They were both the types to keep to themselves. But maybe it was time to change that.

"You don't really want to join them," she said abruptly, answering Teagan's thoughts. "That one there's going to get pneumonia."

[Teagan Kelly]

Teagan's head popped up and she looked around for a moment before some part of her realized that the voice had spoken from above her. She glanced up and saw Natalie St. Clare, one of her roomates, staring down at her. Her thoughs raced quickly, trying to think back and remember if she had spoken out loud.

Some little voice inside her head spoke to her the voice of reason: Of course you didn't speak out loud. People are already probably thinking you are weird. You definitely don't need to go around talking to yourself. And she is right, you know. They're going to be sick. What's the fun in that?

Teagan studied Natalie quietly, unsure. She didn't know much about anyone but it seemed as if Natalie kept to herself as much as she did. There had been a whisper or two regarding her but it wasn't anything unusual.

"No, you're perfectly right. I'd rather not be sick." she spoke softly, both trying to be heard and fearing she'd be ignored.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie looked down at Teagan for a moment, trying to decide if she should come down and join the girl. They may not have really talked much, and Teagan might not really know Natalie very well, but Natalie knew her. When someone was going through as much emotional turmoil as Teagan was, it was nearly impossible for Natalie not to feel it, even from a distance.

"It was mean of them to tease the giant squid like that, anyway. They kind of deserve it, you know? It's possible to have a good time without being mean to someone else."

[Teagan Kelly]

Teagan looked at her, meeting Natalie's gaze before dropping it. She was right, of course, which made Teagan felt bad. yes, it was just a squid, but she felt hat it wasn't that big of a stretch for animals to have feelings, too. After all, wasn't human-kind an animal, however "advanced" it might be?

"Of course. It was rather mean...," she blinked as if realizing something and asked in a curious voice, "Why are you in a tree?"

[Natalie St. Clare]

Teagan wasn't the first person to ask her that question, and she probably wouldn't be the last. As often as Natalie sat in that tree, that was pretty much how often she was asked that question. And the answers were hard to explain. She sat up there because she needed peace and she usually found it by being up high. That was why she liked towers and tree branches. The tree house her father had built her back at their old house had been a refuge for her from the time she was a little girl. She remembered how her mother used to send food up there to her and how Sabrina used to come up and tell her stories. But those days were just memories now; the house was gone, and so were her mother and Sabrina.

Natalie didn't say any of this to Teagan. Instead, she just shrugged and replied, "I like it up here."

[Teagan Kelly]

Teagan regarded the girl solemnly. Of course, she realized that Natalie wasn't really saying the whole truth but she really couldn't expect her to. She didn't know her very well and Teagan herself wouldn't tell someone something if she didn't want to... Which she would have a hard time telling someone even if she did.

Teagan herself didn't like heights. She was more grounded and didn't feel the need to take her feet any higher than she herself was. They were planted firmly on the ground and she'd rather like them to stay there. Pushing a stray hair out of her face, she turned once again to look out at the Lake. She let the silence linger for a while, feeling very comfortable and not at all awkward with the lengthly silence. When she did speak, her voice was soft and filled with wonder at the beauty she saw there.

"That's a good reason. It's so beautiful out here, isn't it? I see why you like the tree; you can look out over the world and it's as if you own it. Wouldn't it be wonderful to own something so beautiful as this? I'd just like to bottle it all up," she said, rather dreamily.

[Natalie St. Clare]

It wasn't that the height made her feel like she owned the world. But perhaps because of her "gift," she felt somehow removed from the world. Everyone else had their own lives, but she seemed doomed to walk among them and yet never really feel a part of them. She was like a ghost, gliding through life and knowing more about everyone else than about herself. Severus always seemed to ground her, but since he hadn't been around very much lately, she felt more disconnected than ever.

"It is pretty," she agreed quietly. "And the air is so much fresher than in the castle. I can't breathe in there."

[Teagan Kelly]

Teagan looked at the girl with an unreadable look on her face. Natalie seemed to have something hidden within herself. It was like she was separated from the world. She could understand that in a way but she knew that her reasons were probably different then Natalie's.

She thought about the girl's comment on the castle. Teagan was slightly claustrophobic and had always felt pressed in up at the castle. It didn't seem as if that was Natalie's reasoning for liking the air outside better, though. She wondered what it was that had caused the heaviness in the second year's voice but didn't comment on it.

"Yes, the air is much fresher out here. It's a very good thing that it has been nicer out. I probably would have went mad shut up in the castle much longer," she said with a smile.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie nodded in agreement. Though it wasn’t quite spring yet, she could feel it coming around the corner, and smell hints of it in the air. It had been a horrible winter, marked with death and violence and loss. The idea that spring might bring with it better times was impossible to resist. Even Natalie was feeling hopeful.

“That’s the good thing about spring,” she said, partially responding to Teagan and partially verbalizing her own thoughts. “No matter how bad or long the winter seems to be, eventually spring comes in and makes everything new again.”

[Teagan Kelly]

"Oh, yes I suppose. I believe that everyone feels more relaxed in warm weather because winter brings all the hard feelings.. One gets tired of being stuck with someone all day and then those feelings slowly become anger. Then in the spring and summer, you can exercise your problems away... I just love the sun. It's so bright and warm. I wish I could be that way," she rambled on and then stopped herself at her admission.

She stared at the girl with something akin to horror. Teagan had absolutely no idea what was wrong with her. Why did she just say that? She had never really told anyone something as stupid as that. And she called herself a Ravenclaw...

[Natalie St. Clare]

But of all the people she could have said that to, Natalie was possibly the only person who would not laugh at her. In fact, it made perfect sense to Natalie. Why not be the sun?

"I used to wish I could be a rainbow," she replied simply. "They're so high up in the sky, stretching from one part of the earth to the other, but never actually touching. And the harder you try to get close to it, the further away it gets. Everyone who sees it feels happy and hopeful and it brings good luck and the promise of a better day."

[Teagan Kelly]

Teagan felt herself feel with relief: that this girl was so accepting of her comment and that someone else felt the same way as her. What a beautiful though, to be a rainbow! All different colors and so bright and happy and giving.... Until she realized what she had said at some point in her explanation.

"Yes, rainbows are pretty and bright and colorful. But you can never touch it. They are always just within reach but well out of your way. You'd never be able to be close to a person and they'd always be searching but never finding. That would be a lonely existance. It's a beautiful thought but so very sad for someone as young as us," she commented in a heavy voice, wondering just what was on this girls mind if she felt that way and wondering if she had changed her mind.

[Natalie St. Clare]

But Natalie already felt very much like that. It was why she liked sitting in the tree, and why she had few real friends. She was already separate from everyone else; nearby, but not quite close enough to touch. Although her powers had been getting stronger lately, it was always more powerful when she was physically touching someone. That was usually when she saw the visions, and she was careful to avoid touching anyone for this reason. She hated the visions, since she usually was unable to do anything about what she saw.

"Maybe it would be lonely," she said. "But if no one can touch you, then they can't hurt you."

[Teagan Kelly]

Her eyes widened as she stared at Natalie. What was it about this girl... that made her feel so sad? That was such a hard thing to say at such an age. It made her heart break even more and she wondered yet again what it was that made this girl think and act the way she did.

"Someday, if you want to, you'll have to tell me why you feel that way. I honestly don't understand and I'm not sure I ever will," she admitted sadly.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie’s eyes took on a dreamy, far away quality, and for a few moments, it seemed as if she wasn’t even going to answer at all. She didn’t often tell people about her “gift.” Most people would be scared or suspicious of her if they knew what she could do. The people who did know were usually very understanding, and Natalie could usually sense how most people would react. Still... she didn’t want it to get around.

Finally, she spoke in a very soft voice. “Have you ever seen things that you wish you hadn’t? Did you ever find out a secret that you should never have to know?”

[Teagan Kelly]

Teagan's eyes took on a haunted expression and she turned her head away to look out over the lake. She really wished she could answer that first one in the negative. Growing up as she had, not necessarily a bad childhood but with moments when she was truly terrified, she knew it was impossible to deny such a thing.

"I don't know... I suppose," she said evasively, not sure where this was going.

Her heart kept doing loop-dee-loops in her stomach and she wanted to cry. The images... She would do anything to know what it was that caused her father so much pain so she could fix it. She loved him with all her heart but he would never know...

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie immediately felt herself being overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions. Fear, pain, sadness…Everything Teagan was feeling, Natalie was feeling it, too. It was strange how being so connected to other people could make her feel so isolated from them. But it could get so confusing when she knew more about other people than she knew about herself.

“When I was nine, my mother went to hug me and I could feel that she was worried about something. And then I saw a vision of her dying. I tried to warn her, but she didn’t listen. A few weeks later she was dead. I see things… visions… of the path a person is on and what will happen to them if they stay on that path. Sometimes it can be avoided or changed, but most of the time, it can’t. I only see the visions when I touch someone’s hand… but I sense their feelings all the time. I know what you’re feeling right now, and I wish I could make it stop.”

[Teagan Kelly]

It seemed as if Teagan's signature move was "the eye-widen" because that's all she did anymore. Her eyes were overly large, probably takinng up her whole face. She was stunned. This was unbelievable but it somehow seemed so logical that it scared her. Something like that seeming logical was probably like giving the doctor an excuse to throw you in the psych ward or whatever.

So this was why the girl seemed untouchable. Teagan had wondered time and time again about this girl... She seemed so normal at the surface but she was so removed from everyone else.... It was so sad. No on should have to have that ability, that power. Her only real thought was that she would go insane if she had that kind of ability. That would be awful.

"I am so sorry," she spoke earnestly and sincerely, "That must be awful. My mother died when I was young as well, although I was younger than you. To find out that you have such an ability... I wouldn't be able to take it. You are a much stronger person than I. It would... it would be horrible not to be able to touch someone. Does it...does it feel like you know everyone even more than they probably do? Sometimes it's hard to tell what you are feeling, right? Can you place them?"

She didn't know if that was a normal reaction but she was a bit odd anyways so she was fine with that. Teagan just sort of hoped Natalie didn't take offense to her actions or her words. It would be wonderful to show this girl what friendship was. Besides, Natalie probably had a lot that she herself could teach her. That would be cool, too.