Stop If It Makes You Happy

[Annalise Kennedy]

It was the third night in a row that Nathalia hadn't come home, and Anna wondered how worried Ursula was about her daughter on a regular basis. Obviously, they had a very close relationship. Anna was just curious sometimes if secretly, Ursula disapproved of Nathalia's lifestyle.

It wasn't her place to question it though, and as Ursula came into the living after taking a shower, Anna let the thoughts go.

"Hey," she said, smiling from her spot on the couch. "I made hot chocolate... with a little peppermint liqour mixed in. It's on the counter."

[Ursula Webb]

Ursula did worry about Nathalia. Even though she always tried to be loose and not smothering, she was, after all, still a mother, and worrying was part of the job. It wasn’t really that she disapproved of Nathalia’s lifestyle; after all, her own lifestyle was certainly unorthodox by most people’s standards. Her own brother and his shrew of a wife certainly didn’t approve of it, but Ursula felt that everyone had the right to live their own lives the way they wanted. She just worried that Nathalia was on a bad path and was in danger of getting hurt.

And now, when she hadn’t been home for three nights, Ursula was starting to get a little tense. The first night, she hadn’t really noticed… it wasn’t an unusual occurrence, after all. But the next two nights… that was definitely a matter of concern. While she was in the shower that morning, she had decided that, later on in the day, she would have to stop by Stu’s to see if she was there, or if anyone had heard from her.

Walking into the living room with her hair still wrapped in a towel, Ursula smiled at Anna. Their relationship had been getting deeper lately, and it was getting so that Anna seemed able to sense Ursula’s needs and vice-versa. The cynical side of Ursula wondered when it would all start to come crashing down, even as the optimist in her couldn’t help but hope that it wouldn’t this time. She was happy, for the first time in a very long time.

“Mmm, that sounds perfect,” she replied, moving over to the counter to pick up the mug that was sitting there. “How did you know I needed it?”

[Annalise Kennedy]

Anna smiled. "Because I needed it, and you and I seem to be on the same wavelength more often then not." She let her eyes roam Ursula's form briefly before she adjusted her position on the couch.

She was more of an optimist where their relationship was concerned. She had been on talking with producers and things, and had scripts sent to her. But she was taking a break from filming too... and when she decided to go back, she knew it would mean travel. But Ursula was unconventional, and if they were still together, they could figure out what to do when the time came.

"It's raining outside again. I never realized it rained so much in London all the time."

[Ursula Webb]

Ursula took a sip for the drink before she moved over to the couch to sit next to Anna. What Anna didn’t know was that there was another potential obstacle to their relationship. Ursula had told Anna that her job was that of a “consultant,” which was vague enough. But it was, of course, a cover for her work for the Dark Lord. She had not been doing much for him lately, and it seemed that the Dark Lord was currently in hiding again to plot his next move. And Ursula wasn’t entirely sure how she was going to handle it when he returned with new orders. She was losing whatever taste she had in the work. The Hogsmeade attack had not sat well with her. Other than terrifying the general populace, what good had it really done to attack and murder children? Ursula hadn’t been able to bear it, and had even covertly helped a few children who were in danger.

It seemed that the Dark Lord was going after the innocents as a way to enforce his agenda. Maybe Ursula should have realized that was his intention all along, but Kenneth had convinced her of the worthiness of Voldemort’s agenda. She knew violence was involved, but it had been easier to deal with when all she had to do was torture higher-ups and traitors. And now she was on the verge of becoming a traitor herself.

What would Anna think if she knew the kind of things Ursula was involved in? After all, Anna was a muggleborn, and made her career in a very muggle-centric field. She was the kind of person that Voldemort would have deemed unworthy, and yet, Ursula could not accept that. You couldn’t judge a person by their family, their blood status, or their social standing. What really mattered was what was inside, and Ursula was starting to realize that. If she had to make a choice, she would choose Anna.

“It always rains in London,” Ursula replied with a smile. “So much so that we don’t quite know what to do with ourselves when the sun is out.”

[Annalise Kennedy]

"I noticed. I think you're all secretly vampires. You know, melting in the sun and all of that. I always loved the rain... but there's just so much of it here."

It was, possibly, the first even slightly negative thing she said about London, and her eyes shifted to Ursula to see of she even noticed. Because yes, she said this on purpose. Anna was a restless soul, and staying in one place for too long started to get to her. The field of work she was in always had her on the move, and she'd been away from it for a little while now. Eventually, she was going to want to take another script, another roll. Would Ursula come with her when she did?

Both of their thoughts seemed to be a million miles away, and she smiled in return, looking at Ursula.

"Tell me about Nathalia's father? What attracted you to him?"

[Ursula Webb]

Ursula laughed. “Actually, I’ve never really liked the weather in London. After a while, I just can’t take it anymore and I take off somewhere. I spent most of last year in Germany. I keep this apartment waiting for me, though… Just because it feels good to come home after a while. “

Of course, what Ursula didn’t mention was that the nature of that trip to Germany was not exactly pleasure. She had been on an assignment from the Dark Lord and it had taken longer than anticipated. He had not called for her lately, and she was relieved. But sooner or later, he would call, and she would have to decide what to do.

When the conversation turned to Nathalia’s father, Ursula frowned a little bit. She rarely talked about that time, and even Nathalia knew very little about her own father. But maybe it was time to start talking about it.

“He was a very powerful man,” she said. “Italian, and good-looking, but I think what drew me to him was the power. I was young and innocent and I found that sort of thing very exciting. He was married to someone else at the time, and I was the ‘other woman.’ I’m not proud of any of it… I let him seduce me and I convinced myself it wasn’t wrong. He doesn’t even know Nathalia exists.”

[Annalise Kennedy]

"I think you keep it here for Nathalia, too. You both seem to have that gypsy soul. I don't know how you do it."

Sure, she traveled a lot, too, but it was for her job. There was a difference to this, of course, at least in her mind. She forced herself to lead a very mobile life. Ursula and Nathalia just seemed to fit into that naturally, and she admired the both of them for that.

She listened with keen interest as Ursula told her about Nathalia's father. "And is he the guy that turned you off of guys?" she reached over and squeezed Ursula's hand as she asked this, smiling to show that the question was at least half in jest. "I've dated boys, men... for publicity. Never had a real relationship with one though, to be honest. Does Nathalia ask about him?"

[Ursula Webb]

Ursula smiled. "It's because I'm a rebel. I always have been. My upbringing was very strict, you know. I was expected to get married to a person of my father's choosing and be a perfect, well-mannered lady. And you know me well enough by now to know that was just not going to happen." She laughed and shook her head. "I took off just after graduating, and I just started traveling. I might never have come back if I hadn't gotten pregnant."

Anna's next question made her chuckle. For a long time, she had tried to figure out what her affair with Leonardo had meant to her. Did she really love him? Did she love him still and that was why she stayed away from men after him? Or had he hurt her so badly that she couldn't go back? Or had she always been gay and just didn't know it?

"I wouldn't say he so much turned me off of men. I'm not sure I was ever really into them at all. In school, I didn't date. Guys were interested in me, but I just... I wasn't into it. He was the only man that ever interested me. And our relationship... it had its good points, but a lot of it was bad. I thought the stolen moments were romantic, but they were always too quick, over too fast. I was always trying to hold onto him only to have him slip through my fingers. And I needed more than that. I didn't just want sex... I wanted someone to stay afterwards, someone I could talk to. He never did that. And when I met my first girlfriend... it was all over. I could never go back after that. And I've just told you more about him than I've ever told Nathalia.... She asks about him sometimes, and I'll let something slip... But I've just always been afraid that she'd seek him out and he'd disappoint her, just like he did me."

[Annalise Kennedy]

Anna laughed quietly and shook her head. "Ah... we grew up so differently. My parents were living the lifestyle of the rich and famous... dinner parties all the time. I think I was even bottle fed champagne," she joked. "After a while, when I started acting, people just expected me to do whatever I wanted... and it was almost welcomed. I didn't rebel so much as have fun. That makes sense, right?"

She quietted and listened to Ursula talk about her affair with Nathalia's father, pulling her long legs up to hug her knees while she sipped on her coffee.

"You know... it's not my place to tell you what to do with Nathalia, so don't yell at me or anything. I know how mothers can be, afterall. But if it were me.... I'd let her seek him out. He's been absent 19 years of her life- she can't possibly have high expectations of him, can she?"

[Ursula Webb]

Ursula smiled as she listened to Anna talk about her childhood. She kind of envied Anna's free-spirited life. Even though Ursula thought of herself as a free spirit, too... Anna had her beat. She'd grown up without rules, so doing what she wanted was just part of her. Ursula, on the other hand, had been literally strangled with rules. If she had been a weaker person, she could have ended up like the Burke girls, a mindless porcelain doll ready to be molded and posed however her parents saw fit.

But Ursula was stronger than that, and her rebellion had been pretty severe. Sneaking drinks in the kitchens while she was supposed to be at one of her parents' boring dinner parties was just the beginning... and it had ended with running away to Italy. Even the affair had been an act of rebellion. It was entirely possible that she was still rebelling, even though her parents were dead.

"I was pretty permissive with Nathalia. Maybe too much, now that I think about it, but I'm still proud of the girl she's become. She makes her own choices in life, and that was all I ever wanted for her. And you're probably right... I probably should let her find him. I just... Honestly, maybe I'm more afraid that he'll stay in her life than I am that he'll disappoint her. I've worked very hard to distance myself from him, and I don't know what will happen if I see him again. I mean... I don't think I'm going to go running back to heterosexuality or anything, but... I don't know. I had pretty powerful feelings for him once, and he hurt me pretty badly."

[Annalise Kennedy]

"I certainly hope you don't go running back to heterosexuality," Anna said with a smile and a glint in her eye. Though if she did, maybe it would coincide with the inevitable time when Anna had to leave. And everyone knew she was born for leaving, anyway. Her lifestyle and her attitude didn't lend themselves towards settling down. But what attracted her to Ursula was that she seemed like the type of girl who would run away with her.

"I guess I can understand that, though. I think some part of me would be jealous, too, if he stuck around for her and not me. That's a hard one, love, and I don't envy you."

[Ursula Webb]

"I don't think that will happen, especially not for him," Ursula said. "I really am happy with my life the way it is.... I was never happy with him. I suppose we had our moments, but I really spent more time crying than laughing when I was with him. On the bright side, he taught me how to toughen up... I almost never cry now."

Maybe part of it was that she'd never let her emotions get tangled up so completely in another person after Leonardo. She'd been with a lot of women over the years, and she might have even loved some of them. But emotionally, Ursula had never felt anything as deep and passionate as what she felt for Leonardo. On the other hand, she could also see how deeply destructive that passion had been. Ursula didn't like who she had been when she was with him. In fact, over the years, there had only been one person who made Ursula want to be a better person. And she was looking at that person right now.

It had occurred to Ursula that she was falling in love with Anna. She hadn't told her yet, but she was pretty sure it was true. She could see herself staying with this woman... and following her where ever she might go. She hadn't told Anna this yet, because she didn't want to scare her off with talk of commitment. But she felt it.

"It would hurt, but I'd be furious with him if he walked away from her," Ursula replied. "Nathalia deserves better than that, you know?"

[Nathalia Webb]

Nathalia needed a change of pace desperately. Between working and partying and the men she would go home with, she really needed to stop, take a breath, and go home. Maybe get a hot shower and a nap... and talk to her mum.

She hadn't talked to Ursula since her night with Hayden, when he turned her down, deciding that she wasn't good enough for him, or... something. she still wasn't even sure what had happened between them, but it definitely stung. And the nights that followed had been filled with people who did want her, who would make her feel wanted for at least a little while. She'd been running on fumes the last couple of days, not wanting to slow down. If she slowed down, she would have to think, and when she started thinking, she became all too aware of just how lonely she was. Having Anna stay at the apartment wasn't helping, either.

She cracked open the door, just barely missing the last sentence her mother spoke, and glanced at the two women as she closed the door behind her, unaware they'd just been talking about her. "It's so early... why are either one of you awake?"

[Ursula Webb]

Ursula was a bit startled to hear Nathalia's voice at that moment, considering what she and Anna had just been discussing. She covered her reaction quickly, and tried to discreetly examine Nathalia's face to see if she had overheard anything that they had been saying. "I could ask you the same thing," she pointed out lightly. If she were a different type of mother, she might have. But Nathalia always did her own thing; that was how Ursula had raised her. There had never been a curfew, or groundings, or really any rules at all. For the first time, as she looked at her daughter's tired face, Ursula began to wonder if maybe there should have been.

"I'm glad you're home, sweetheart. I was starting to worry."

Truthfully, she had been worried for a little while now, and Nathalia's reappearance now didn't actually change that. Nathalia didn't look well, as though her life was starting to wear on her. She needed to settle down a little... not necessarily with someone... just try to relax a little. Too much partying could wear on a person. Ursula knew that first hand.

"Sit down," she said, patting the sofa next to her. "How are you, really?"

[Nathalia Webb]

Nat glanced at Anna, who just shifted her eyes to her coffee cup, mumbling something about being an early riser. Nathalia looked back at her mother, glad that she wasn't asking her daughter the same question. Nathalia hadn't actually gone to sleep the night before, so it was more a matter of still being awake.

She shimmied out of her jacket, preferring muggle clothes because she never knew where she would end up. Laying the thing on the couch, she joined Anna and her mother at the table. "Any of that coffee left?" She asked, nodding to Anna. The woman stood up to get her a cup.

"I'm good," she assured her mother, shrugging and not offering much else.

[Ursula Webb]

Ursula was fairly certain that Nathalia was very far from "good." The trouble was that Ursula had raised her daughter almost more like a best friend than a mother. There had been plenty of times in the past when Nathalia had been more like the mother, nursing Ursula through hangovers and bad breakups. At the time, Ursula hadn't seen anything wrong with that, but now she realized that she'd basically just raised Nathalia to be just like her. Weren't you supposed to want better for your children?

Worse, however, was the realization that Nathalia needed help, and Ursula didn't really know how to do it. Her daughter was in a rut, she was directionless, and as hard as she tried to pretend otherwise, Ursula knew she wasn't happy. And if she were a better mother, she would know how to step in and help her... to guide her somehow.

"Are you really?" she asked gently.

[Nathalia Webb]

Nathalia looked at her mother, quietly for a moment, and then diverted her attention to Anna when the brunette placed a cup of coffee in front of her. Nat wrapped her long fingers around the warm mug, letting it ground her while she decided how to lie to her mother.

She especially didn't want to get into anything too heavy with Anna in the room, so she nodded, sipping on the steaming coffee.

"Yeah, Mum. Don't stress. I'm just tired. In fact.... I have a date on Tuesday." Nathalia still wasn't sure how she felt about that, considering how the first time ended- in this very kitchen, actually, but she left that part out. She just hoped it would pacify her mother.

[Ursula Webb]

Ursula let out a soft sigh, covering it with a yawn. When exactly had Nathalia become so hard to reach? Was it the trip to New York, or was it more recent? Or maybe it had always been there, a subtle distance between them that Ursula had never really noticed before.

"A date?" she said, raising her eyebrow at Nathalia. She dimly recognized that Nathalia was using this as a distraction technique, but it was an effective one. Neither one of them had ever been the "date" types. Ursula had met Anna, and after just a couple of nights, Anna had moved in. Nathalia, on the other hand, seemed to just move from one bed to another. A date--an actual real date--was almost a foreign concept.

She leaned forward, and the worried crease faded from her forehead, replaced with curiosity. "Tell me about it. Who is it?"

[Nathalia Webb]

Nathalia smiled, torn between blushing and rolling her eyes, and good God, was she becoming one of THOSE girls? This was stupid. And she didn't see the date going well, anyway.

"You don't know him," Nat replied with quiet ease. "He's come into Stu's a couple of times. And we have a few mutual... contacts. He's friends with that guy I told you about... you know, the one who tries to stump me with fake drinks. And remember the Auror that everyone thought died, Roland?" She paused here, letting Roland's name sit on her tongue with a sort of reverence- he was someone she actually quite respected. "Well, he's related to him. Brothers, I think. Or cousins, maybe." She remembered Hayden telling her about Roland the first time she met him in Stu's.

She shrugged a little. "Sweet guy, all in all."

[Ursula Webb]

Not for the first time, Ursula wondered whether her daughter was in love with Roland. Any time the man's name came up--and it seemed to come up a good deal more than any other man Nathalia had ever mentioned, with the possible exception of her employer, Stu--Nathalia's face seemed frozen and her voice gave just a tiny sort of hitch. She wondered if Nathalia was even aware of it. But as Ursula understood it, the man was in love with someone else, and there was no sense in encouraging Nathalia to pursue it.

But if this man that she was about to go on a date with was related to Roland, Ursula hoped that Nathalia wasn't, even unconsciously, trying to use him as a sort of replacement. That wouldn't be fair to the man, or to Nathalia. Of course, if she had known how very different Hayden actually was from Roland, she might not have worried quite so much.

Ugh. Was Ursula finally turning into those worrying, fussing, nagging mothers? Merlin forbid...

"That sounds nice," she said, keeping her tone neutral. "I'm happy for you. Who knows, maybe it'll be the start of a new trend for you."