Need to Break Out

[Shana O'Malley]

"You've never been to a baseba... oh. Right. American thing." Shana almost forgot that she definitely wasn't in New York anymore. That much had been very easy for her to figure out from the beginning.

It made her sad to hear her thoughts confirmed, that he was a serious little kid. She couldn't picture him as anything but serious, and still it was a very sad thought. Kids were supposed to be loud and wild and have fun. Lord knew she was a handful when she was little.

"I played softball for a while. It's like baseball, but the ball is bigger. It's definitely not soft, though." She paused, taking a moment to listen to his heart beat in his chest.

Finally, she sighed, really wishing she could think of another question to ask besides the one on the tip of her tongue, because in honesty, she didn't want to know the answer. "That woman that came a few weeks ago... when Sedona and Gio were here. Old flame...? Current flame?"

[Mateo "Teo" Rossi]

He leaned in and kissed her lightly along her jawline. "No, they don't have baseball games here. We have to content ourselves with cricket... which isn't the same at all. The first time I saw an actual baseball game on the tele, I was amazed. I thought it was more exciting than cricket. Maybe one day I'll get to go to an actual baseball game..."

He trailed off sadly, thinking how much he'd like to go to one with her. But he wouldn't be able to do that. After tonight, she wouldn't even remember his name. And that dream would be just another one of the things he'd never get to do.

Luckily, she brought him back to the moment with her question, before he had a chance to get noticeably emotional. Talking about Kate.... well, that was another story altogether.

"Kate," he said, his eyes meeting hers once again. "Old flame. Pretty much the one that got away. Or rather, I let her get away. She's a... she's a cop. And, well... you know what I am. We were doomed from the beginning."

What was it about him, he wondered, that made him want the women who were least compatible with his life? It seemed all of his relationships were doomed to fail... his job was always going to get in the way.

And he was always going to be alone.

[Shana O'Malley]

In a natural reaction to his soft kissed, Shana lifted her chin just a bit, her back stretching, and the whole thing rather feline in nature. Mark Twain said one of her favorite, amusing quotes- that man was descendant from apes, except redheads, who were descendant from cats. It was true, and she rather liked the comparison.

But when the kisses to her jaw stopped, and he started to talk, Shana almost pulled away from him completely. She had to stop herself, turning just enough so that her chin was on her hand, on top of his chest. "You could go to a game. You should go to New York. Take me with you- that's where I'm from. We have the greatest baseball team in the country, the Yankees." She didn't have to ask to know that he wasn't going to take her to New York for a baseball game, or for any reason at all.

She sighed, letting them both change the topic. "Kate's very pretty."

[Mateo "Teo" Rossi]

He smiled sadly. They both knew that was never going to happen, although he knew it even more clearly than she did. But he simply kissed her again and said, "Maybe I will one day. The game that I saw... it actually was the Yankees. I don't even know any of the other teams."

He closed his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to imagine what it would be like. He imagined it might be something like a quidditch game, except the action would be done on the ground instead of in the sky. But much of the rest of it would be similar--the roar of the crowd, the fresh air, sunlight, the smell of food. He could almost picture her red hair shining in the sun and it made him ache again.

"Yes, she is," he said, opening his eyes and coming back to the moment. "But I don't want to talk about Kate. That ship has sailed... just because she's back doesn't mean she's coming back to me. I'm not even sure I'd want her to. We're different people now. And... well, maybe I've moved on."

He reached out and tangled his fingers in her hair, surprised to notice just how soft it felt. "Shana, I'm not thinking about Kate or anyone else right now. I'm where I want to be."

[Shana O'Malley]

"There may as well not be any other teams," Shana murmured, a true New Yorker, she supposed, by he adamant support of a baseball team she was fairly certain she was never going to see again. Even if spending evenings outside watching the sun set became a habit, she didn't see it going much further than that. It took him ages just to let her out tonight... but then, hadn't that ended up well?

She knew exactly why she was pushing him about Kate. Shana did not have any issues with self confidence, nor did she for one second think that Mateo wished she was Kate, or in any way pictured her at this moment. Without him saying so, Shana knew that she was on his mind, for who she was and not who she could be a stand in for. She hoped, however, in getting him to talk about Kate, that she could learn more about him, and find out why, exactly, that ship sailed. She didn't really buy the, she was a cop and I'm shady on a good day story. There was something more that tore them apart, because if it was love, differences could be overlooked.

"That's where you were supposed to tell me that I'm prettier," she teased him, the smile on her lips confirming that she wasn't serious about this statement. His fingers in her hair prompted her to pull even closer to him, if that was even possible, and she pressed her lips to his, settling down in the crook between his arm and his side.

[Mateo "Teo" Rossi]

Mateo chuckled lightly as he pressed his lips to hers again. "You are," he answered. "Don't you know I've always had a thing for redheads?"

The truth was, he had been a different person when he was with Kate. She had brought out a side of him that even he hadn't known was there. For the first time since he was a very small child, he had been happy, carefree, and playful. She taught him how to relax, how to have fun... how to be young. She had always teased him that he was an old man in a young man's body, and now, more than ever, Teo felt like that was true.

If he let her, Teo had no doubt that Shana could bring out that part of him, too. In his mind he could see them together, going to baseball games, going swimming, skiing, touring across Europe for absolutely no reason at all. He could take her to Italy, and could show her the small village where he had been born before Niccolo moved the family to England. They could see the monuments of Rome and Greece, the could see the pyramids. They could go to the Eiffel Tower in Paris, or just an ordinary amusement park. Hell, it was his fantasy... maybe they could even go to the moon and the stars. She would tease him and make him laugh, and he wouldn't have to live with the stress and tension of the family business. He could leave it all behind.

For one crazy, impossible second, Teo very seriously considered doing just that. Just get out of here; take Shana and go so far away that no one would ever find them. They'd live a life on the run, living by their wits and whatever money they could earn along the way. They wouldn't have a home... but they'd have each other.

Unfortunately, reality came crashing in. He couldn't leave town with her. He couldn't leave his family. They needed him. He had to stay... and he had to let her go. There was no other way.

So they would have to live a whole life in one night. A night he would carry with him forever, but that she would not remember.

"Other than here and New York, where else have you been?" he asked.

[Shana O'Malley]

She wouldn't say it out loud to Mateo, but she didn't particularly think she'd really "been" here, either. Never leaving his house made it really hard for her to say she'd really been to London, and she certainly couldn't have a conversation about it with anyone who asked... if they ever would.

"Nowhere," she answered instead, honestly. "I would have lived and died in New York if it hadn't been for you." Now, she supposed, she would live and die in this house. She was, however, strangely at peace with this idea, however boring it sounded. The more they knew each other though, perhaps he would trust her, let her out more. Maybe he would trust her to come back to him.

"I imagine you've been everywhere, though. You have, right?"

[Mateo "Teo" Rossi]

Anyone who had ever claimed that the "mob life" was glamorous had never actually lived it, in Teo's opinion. No, he was hardly a jet-setter. Most of the time, he was stuck in London--and the seedy parts of London at that. He gave a little chuckle.

"Hardly," he replied. "I've been to Italy, of course... I was actually born there. And I've been to New York. The rest of the time, I'm here. If I had a choice, though, I'd go back to Italy. I've been back a few times... the last was for my mother's funeral."

He wished that he could take her to Italy. It was a silly, crazy pipe dream, of course, but that was the place he most longed to show her. He felt different in Italy, like a completely different person. When he was in Italy, he felt lighter, like all the everyday stresses of his life didn't really matter anymore. In Italy, he felt free.

"Do you prefer the big-city life? Or do you like the country? The village I was born in was small, but so full of life, I really think you'd like it."

[Shana O'Malley]

Maybe she lied about never saying this out loud to Mateo. She sighed, her smile slipping away, and she pushed away from him, sitting up. When she settled, her legs crossed, she was pressed up against his side, his body propping one knee up, and her hand on his chest. She wasn't upset with him, but she couldn't play this game, either.

"Is this a countryside? Because I wouldn't really know." Her eyes were gentle, everything about her with the exception of her words was soft and non argumentative. "All I really know is New York. And yes, I liked the big city life, but I've never known different."

She paused, running a hand through her hair and pulling it over her shoulder. "I was born in New Jersey, though. It's not a pretty place, you don't want to go there."

[Mateo "Teo" Rossi]

His smile turned sad. No, he supposed she wouldn't have any idea what the surrounding area was like, since he'd pretty much brought her straight here from New York. It made him ache a little inside, just another stab of guilt in his gut.

"Not exactly country," he said. "It's a small village of sorts here, but we're about twenty minutes outside of London. And as far as I know, there aren't any farms or cows in the neighborhood."

Godric's Hollow was an unusual place for someone like him to live, but it had reminded him a little of the village in Italy where he was born. Deep down, he still felt like that was where he belonged. He just wasn't sure he'd ever get the chance to go back there, now that his mother was dead.

"You say that, but you forget, I'm Italian. My madre used to say that Italians can find beauty in anything... any place, any person. You just have to look hard enough."

[Shana O'Malley]

Shana sighed again, listening to him describe the area where they lived. She didn't care. Honestly, they could have lived in a sewer, and at this point, she wouldn't really care. Although, she already missed the sunlight enough- maybe a sewer was a little extreme.

She let him talk, though. She liked listening to him talk, and feeling his voice rumble in his chest. It was comforting and familiar to her, and she wanted to cling on to this.

"There are lots of Italians in New Jersey. Some amazing Italian restaurants, too. Really authentic, you know? Or at least, I imagine they are. And hey, come to think of it, you might fit right in with some of the... clientele of New Jersey?" She was joking again, and after a year, Mateo would know that her sense of humor wasn't always sympathetic.

Switching tracks quickly, Shana's smile disappeared. "I'm going to ask you a favor, Mateo. And I want you to say yes."

[Mateo "Teo" Rossi]

Mateo chuckled deeply at her comment. Since he had sent a little time in New York when he was watching Dante Santino, he had a little bit of experience with the area. He hadn't visited New Jersey, but it was close enough to the city that he could imagine what it was like and the kinds of people she might have known there. He chose not to mention it, not wanting to remind her of how she had come to be here with him. He wished she could understand that he wasn't proud of what he'd done. It hadn't been his idea to take her, but he'd gone along with it when he knew it wasn't a good idea.

"Very cute. I've heard about some of the activity in that part of the country... in fact, I think one of our distant cousins lives in Newark and works closely with the Carelli family..."

He was only slightly joking at that, and he quirked his lip up in a slight smile to keep the mood light. Mateo didn't really have much of a sense of humor, anyway, and she knew him well enough by now to know that.

He was gently trailing his fingers through her hair as he talked, but he stopped abruptly when she asked him for a favor. He didn't like the serious look on her face, and he felt unnaturally nervous about what she might ask him.

"What is it?" he asked cautiously.

[Shana O'Malley]

"You know, I was joking. But wow... I don't even know who the Carelli family is." Her smile was still bright, but she was a little awed that he'd gone right along with this. It was because of his lack of sense of humor that she believe him, too.

It didn't matter. She understand, to a small degree at least, what it was he did. Despite that, despite everything that happened, she was still right here in this very moment, and God help her, she was happy. She wasn't even thinking about Dante, or anything that she'd had to leave behind. She was focused on Mateo and this light banter that went back and forth. Given everything, she was exactly where she wanted to be.

When he questioned her, her lips pursed, trying to hide a smile. "No, no. That's not how this is done. You're supposed to say yes first, and then I tell you what you're going to do for me." Her eyes narrowed slightly, head turning just a touch to playfully assess him. After just a brief moment, she knew he was not going to relent, and she sighed, corners of her mouth falling as her hands pressed lightly into his chest, just searching for that heartbeat.

"Take me into London. Just once, just so I can say I've been? You must know that I'm not going to run."

[Mateo "Teo" Rossi]

Of all the things she could have requested, this was one thing Mateo had not expected. Even more unexpected was the way it made him feel. He felt a knot forming in his stomach, and his chest ached. It made his earlier decision that much easier, but it was also the most painful thing she could have asked.

Because he had already decided to take her to London. And he didn't plan on bringing her back here. She didn't belong here, she didn't belong with him. She needed to go back to Dante, to try and gather up some remnant of the life she had known before that night when he had scooped her up and made her his prisoner. And yet she just wanted to go, just to see it, with no intentions of running. She should not trust him that much. She should want to be far away from him. Why didn't she want to run?

He didn't answer right away, but cupped her chin with his fingers, bringing her closer for a kiss.

"We'll discuss it in the morning," he said. "Tonight, I just want to think about tonight. Can we do that?"

[Shana O'Malley]

Shana sighed, frowning deeply. She'd heard variants of 'we'll discuss it in the morning,' and it always made her feel like a child, like she was being patronized. She usually bristled at it, letting him know she was not okay with how he was treating her, but tonight was different. It may have still felt patronizing, but she knew he hadn't meant it that way. And she didn't have it in her to fight him. But still. "Oh... I know what that means. That's a no, isn't it?"

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, eyes on him, and preparing to press her luck, like she usually did. Like he usually let her get away with. "Promise you'll take me, and I won't mention anything other than tonight until we wake up tomorrow. And probably not for a while after that."

[Mateo "Teo" Rossi]

Mateo sighed and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. No, it wasn't a no. He wished it was. No, he had already made up his mind to do this before she had even asked him... she only made it easier. But she couldn't know how much it hurt to tell her yes. She couldn't know what was going through his mind and his heart in that moment.

"I'm not saying no," he said, avoiding her eyes. "But I... I don't want to think about tomorrow. All my life, you know... I plan ahead, I look at the big picture. My head is always on the future and never in the moment. Just this once, I want to live in the moment and not think about anything else. Can we do that?"