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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 19:31:56 GMT -5
(I figure this can take place after the attack, but before Christmas)
The attack at Hogsmeade was still fresh in everyone's minds, as both the hospital wing and St. Mungo's were flooded with patients still recovering from their injuries. Roland was still horribly tense about the whole thing, since both of his brothers had been wounded in the attack. He may have come out fine himself, but that meant little to him. His family was always his priority, and he didn't think he would be able to relax until both Cyrus and Jamie were back on their feet.
As soon as he had some spare time, Roland made a trip down to the school and went to the Hospital Wing to visit Jamie. He passed the other patients, including Ted Tonks, who was recovering with Andromeda Black at his side, and went straight to the bed where Jamie was still laying.
"Hey, Jamie," he said in a quiet voice as he sat down on the chair next to the bed. "How are you feeling?"
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Feb 17, 2009 23:10:13 GMT -5
Jamie had been lying on the hospital bed, staring at the ceiling. The entire recovery process seemed so slow and unnecessary. Jamie himself felt incredibley weak and was furious at himself. A small little Crucio, and he faints? Scarlette could have been killed, and all he managed to do was pull he to the ground, which he bet wasn't at all comfortable. Then taking the energy out of making other people better? He had heard that his mother and Amandine had broke down, and he could have avoided that if he had been able to get Scarlette out faster, or taken another route. So many options, and he chose the one that made him look like a little kid who couldn't handle anything? Of course, Jamie was aware that he was only 17, but 17 didn't mean he had limits.
He turned slowly as Roland's voice addressed him. He gave him a slow smile, still glad that he had helped Ama and him from being killed. "Hey, Ro," Jamie pulled himself onto his elbows. Jamie pondered for a second before replying shortly,"I'm feeling regular for the time given."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 17, 2009 23:26:42 GMT -5
Roland let the nickname pass for now. It was always more annoying when Cyrus did it anyway. Instead, he flashed one of his crooked grins at his little brother. "I'm glad to hear it," he said simply.
He hesitated for a minute before he spoke again. He and Jamie didn't always communicate all that well, and he didn't want Jamie to think that he was angry at him for staying in Hogsmeade after sending Ama back to the school. If anything, Roland blamed himself. There wasn't a thing he could have done, of course, since he'd been occupied... but still Roland blamed himself. He always felt it was his responsibility to protect his younger siblings, and somehow he had failed two of them.
"I wish...." He sighed. "I should have been there. I'm sorry I wasn't."
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Feb 17, 2009 23:34:10 GMT -5
Jamie sat in a somewhat uncomfortable silence, although Jamie was fairly used to it by now. He really didn't talk openely with anyone but Scarlette, and he had just gotten used to waiting patiently through it. Roland was probably thinking of some way to word it, and when he did Jamie shook his head.
"It wasn't your fault," Jamie insisted quietly. "I just wanted to make sure she was ohkay."
If he hadn't gone back, would she have been there waiting for him? Jamie shuddered and slumped lower on the bedframe, not wanting to think about it.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 17, 2009 23:55:33 GMT -5
It took a little getting used to, the idea of Jamie having a girlfriend. He still thought of Jamie as a little kid, but he really wasn't a kid anymore. It was a scary thought, actually.
"I probably would have done the same thing," he admitted. "It's just... if I had known you were worried about a girl... I don't know, maybe I could have looked for her for you. Or something. I know I shouldn't blame myself, but when the attack started, all I could think about was finding you and Ama and making sure you were safe. And you still managed to get hurt."
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Feb 18, 2009 0:45:07 GMT -5
"Isn't Mum obsessed with Riley?" Jamie asked, looking at the ceiling again. It hadn't changed. "Would you have gone back for her, although my understanding is that you don't like her? Everything I did was my own mind to make sure she got back safe. I got hurt for a good reason. "
That might have been the most Jamie could remember saying to Roland at once, in perhaps his entire lifetime. Jamie never had spent a lot of time with his brothers, and he hadn't developed a complete dependancy on them as Ama seemed to of him. And Jamie was almost proud of himself.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 18, 2009 1:00:05 GMT -5
Roland's mouth twisted into a cynical smile. "Mum is obsessed with trying to fix me up with someone, and Riley is just her latest pet project," he replied. "But she's my partner, so of course I would have gone back for her."
Technically, he was obligated to go back for her, and that was the reason he told himself. But deep down, he knew there was more to it than that.
"I just hate that you got hurt. I don't blame you for going back... I just wish I had known what you were doing, so I could have watched out for you."
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Feb 18, 2009 15:03:14 GMT -5
"You had an angry death eater in front of you. I don't think following me around would have been such a great idea." Jamie mumbled. "You saved Ama, and that's what counts. If I fainted, she would have been in a lot worse shape."
Jamie decided to not make any comments about Riley being Mum's new pet, or Riley being only his partner. He decided not to divulge himself in thinking about Roland's cynics or the fact that he said 'would have' instead of 'supposed to'. Jamie wasn't one for talking about relationships, even if he was in one now. Instead he just studied the ceiling again and waited for the conversation to continue. He wasn't quite sure what Roland was going to get out of this conversation, although Jamie was aware that he blamed himself for Jamie's blunder. Jamie didn't know the strong sense of family that Roland held, and probably wouldn't have expected it.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 18, 2009 15:58:46 GMT -5
As much as Roland adored his brothers and sister, Amandine was the only one he was really close to. He and Cyrus understood each other just well enough to get on each other's nerves. And his relationship with Jamie was.... practically nonexistent. And yet, out of the four of them, they were probably the most alike. He knew Jamie couldn't see it, but it struck Roland every time he tried to talk to Jamie.
They were similar, in that neither of them really liked to talk about their feelings. And as a result, they really had very little to talk about at all. Looking at Jamie, lying in the hospital bed, this realization depressed Roland greatly.
"You may as well just admit that it was my fault, because you'll never be able to convince me otherwise," Roland said with a slight grin.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I wish we were closer, Jamie. Is it my fault that we're not?"
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Feb 19, 2009 1:34:35 GMT -5
"I won't," Jamie said, sounding more stubborn then he meant to. "I did what I needed to, despite what you believe."
Jamie turned his head when Roland spoke to him about their relationship, which was a feat. It hurt his head to make sudden movements, and he regretted it immediately, although his expression didn't contort in discomfort. Rather, it changed to mild shock. He hadn't expected that a conversation starter, maybe asking about school like he always did, or perhaps asking something a vivd deeper about his friends, but they hadn't even skimmed the surface about thier somewhat obvious communication flaws.
"It's not your fault, although you might not believe me about that," Jamie didn't mean it in a harsh way, but it was a somewhat reprive of their earilier topic.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 19, 2009 2:02:54 GMT -5
Roland shook his head. More of the famous Ferrera family stubbornness.
Since he had no desire to fight with Jamie (he did more than enough of that with Cyrus), Roland gave in. "OK, fine, it wasn't my fault then," he said.
But he couldn't be as easily convinced about their relationship. It was his fault, he was pretty sure of it. He had always been too busy for Jamie when they were kids. And he was always telling him what to do. Roland never meant to be bossy; he was just looking out for his little brother. But somehow it always came out looking like he was trying to boss him around.
"You're right, I don't believe you," he said. "Look, I know I can be an arrogant prat sometimes, but I just want what's best for you."
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Feb 20, 2009 14:22:17 GMT -5
Jamie gave a small smile, knowing there was a good chance that Roland didn't believe it wasn't his fault. But the fighting had ceased, and Jamie was glad. Roland and Cyrus fought often, and although Jamie listened, he didn't exactly approve of their arguements. But it had always been a way to find out how the family was doing and not have Amandine badger him about it.
After thinking about his remark for a few seconds, Jamie began a new approach on why he had always been annoyed with his oldest brother.
Jamie gave a short sigh before asking, "do you regret who you are now?"
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 20, 2009 15:09:51 GMT -5
Roland frowned at the question, thinking carefully before he answered.
He had always been the kind of person who knew exactly who he was and what he wanted from life. He'd been that way ever since he was a small child. Control was always a big issue for Roland, but contrary to what some people thought, he didn't want to control others; just himself. His behavior with Riley was an exception, an oddity that he couldn't explain. Usually he was quite good at controlling himself and his emotions... perhaps too good. So good that his little brother had no idea how utterly devoted to him he really was. Amandine was the only one of his siblings who had a sense of just how important the family really was to him, and this was strange, because anyone else he talked to could usually figure it out right away.
Shaking his head softly, he replied, "No, I don't. I regret little things.... like the fact that I don't know how to talk to you, or that I always fight with Cyrus, or I don't spend enough time with Ama... but I can't regret being myself."
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Feb 21, 2009 23:40:38 GMT -5
"Do you regret who you grew up to be?" Jamie asked, slowly leading into his point. Roland had grown up without an example. Matheiu had been there, but not like Roland had for Jamie. And Jamie could sense a sort of connection from their characters. If Jamie had grown up without the restrictions that he had, he wondered if he would have been more like Cyrus, rather then Roland.
The conversation was leading into deep, psychological waters that Jamie didn't nessecarily want ot discuss right at this moment, especially not with Roland. Maybe he could talk to Scarlette, but even then he could feel himself becoming uncomfortable, and he didn't feel weird with virtually any topic she could think of. Roland was almost Scarlette's opposite in Jamie's pysch, and that made it all the worse.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 22, 2009 0:48:53 GMT -5
Roland was not one for psychological analysis, and he missed the point Jamie was aiming at. He wondered if there was something he was supposed to regret; something that he had done wrong or some flaw that he possessed that prevented him from being close to Jamie.
But the actual question was easy enough to answer, and he opted not to try digging beneath the surface for the meaning behind the question. "No," he replied. "No, I don't. I know I have my flaws, and Merlin knows I'm not perfect, but I don't regret who I've become. Why?"
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Feb 22, 2009 1:34:56 GMT -5
"You didn't have someone telling you what was best, and you're a decent human. I would have been too without the constant, uhhm, guidance," Jamie said slowly, trying to think over what he was saying.
He wasn't quite sure what he was doing with this statement. He wasn't blaming Roland for anything he did to make their strained relationship, but he was pointing out what had made Jamie resent Roland for so long. He hated being told what to do, and Roland had just been watching out for him. But Jamie felt like he should explain why he had always avoided talking to Roland.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 22, 2009 2:25:35 GMT -5
Roland listened to Jamie's explanation, finally starting to understand. He and Jamie really were more alike than he'd even realized. He tried to put himself in Jamie's shoes, trying to imagine how he would feel if he had an older brother who was always telling him what to do. No matter how well-intentioned, it would still have annoyed him. Just like he got irritated with his parents, or his uncle, when they tried to give him advice, most of which he never followed. Jamie, like Roland, had his own way of doing things. And he was fully capable of making his own decisions. Hell, the discussion they'd just finished having was a perfect example. Roland had blamed himself for Jamie's injury, when really, Jamie had made the decision to stay back in Hogsmeade and look for his girlfriend. Unlike Cyrus, Jamie wanted to take responsibility for his actions. Roland was the same way.
A lopsided grin appeared on his face. "OK. OK, I get it. You don't like being told what to do... you want to make your own decisions. You know, you and I really do have a lot in common. I think if I'd had a big brother like me, I would have punched him out years ago." He laughed softly. "I'll try to back off, and not tell you what to do all the time. I just... I didn't want you to end up like Cyrus, that's all. I've always tried to guide him, too, and he just blew me off... and now look at him. He's on the outs with Mum and Dad, Lina left with Mara and turned down Cyrus's marriage proposal. And I know you're not Cyrus, any more than you are me. I just... I want the best for you. But I'll try to let you make the decisions about what that is."
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Feb 22, 2009 21:15:50 GMT -5
Jamie was relieved that Roland understood so quickly. He listened to Roland's commentary on his own explanation and made a few connections. "Well, I don't think punching out your lights seems like something I'd do, but I don't nessecarily want to be with Cyrus on the edge of the family. You did what you thought was best," Jamie shrugged. "And thank you, that would be much appreciated."
Jamie was stuck. He wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to say in this situation. Instead he shifted uncomfortabley on his bed. He still wasn't quite used to the idea of Roland and himself being friends quite yet.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 23, 2009 0:43:58 GMT -5
For Roland, this was enough. He had reached an understanding with Jamie, and that was all he'd really been hoping for. Neither of them were the types to pour their feelings out to others, but they'd managed to get their points across. And it was enough.
So he changed the subject. "OK, then," he said. "Well, how's school?"
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Feb 25, 2009 22:05:16 GMT -5
Jamie gave Roland a look, and almost burst out loud laughing. Here they were, trying to figure out their relationship, and in an instant, it had gone back to normal. It was almost like fate. But he threw it off, thinking that he could be a lot more talkitive if he wanted the relationship better. The attack sent many families down the drain with agony, and here their family was, as big as it is, and no one got hurt. Jamie felt the urge to try and connect better with his brother.
"Truthfully, I don't know. I don't like it at all," Jamie said. "I can't wait to leave. How's work?"
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