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Post by Nathalia Webb on Jan 18, 2009 3:16:32 GMT -5
There was a different look on her face now, the smile gone replaced by something, as Roland had correctly guessed, lost.
"That's nice of you to say," she said softly, her mind either a million miles away, or in a million different places. Finally, after a very long silence, she nodded. "I was with someone tonight... and I connected with him, too... in a different way." In a way that wanted to go back to him and see him more often. "Anyway, it was really pretty obvious that he just wanted one night. I don't know. I'm just feeling a little down. I just didn't want to go home and be alone."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Jan 18, 2009 4:05:17 GMT -5
Roland relaxed a little bit, but he did feel sorry for her. "You're looking for something more," he said, understanding. "And you know what? You deserve it. You're a beautiful, intelligent woman... and you deserve better. I wish I could be that guy for you... or that he could. But it will happen."
He felt awkward, trying to give advice. He wasn't sure what to say to make her feel better, so he ended up taking another bite of pizza.
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Post by Nathalia Webb on Jan 18, 2009 4:11:15 GMT -5
Nathalia smiled, looking up at him. "You don't have to give any advice to me, Roland. It's stupid enough that I came here. And I'm not looking for more... let's just forget it, okay?" She sighed, finally giving up on the pizza that she hadn't even taken a bite of yet.
Maybe she was easy to see through, or Roland had an uncanny ability to figure people out, but he was right. She did want more. She knew she was beautiful and smart and had the personality... she was something to lust after, but not quite something to love. The few relationships she did have ended badly, and it was probably her fault. But now she left before anyone had the chance to leave her, and it was finally getting to her.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Jan 18, 2009 18:41:21 GMT -5
Roland gave her a sad smile. "I've never been good with relationships," he confessed. "I dated a couple of girls in school... I couldn't give them what they were looking for. You know, the poems and candy and stuff. I used to think, though, that I wanted the kind of love my parents have. You know, a lot of couples these days don't stay together, but they... I always got the feeling that they couldn't live without each other. They complement each other well. I never found anyone like that for me... and I'm much too set in my ways. But it's natural... sometimes you get tired of the temporary thing... you feel lonely... and you start to wonder if there isn't something more."
He looked down, embarrassed at the openness. "I would like to think, if I were looking for a real, committed relationship, it would be with someone like you. I wish I could say that meant I was in love with you... But I'm not. I like you a lot... and you have an uncanny ability to bring out the best in me. But sooner or later, if you keep looking, you'll find someone who can't live with out you."
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Post by Nathalia Webb on Jan 18, 2009 21:21:40 GMT -5
Nathalia smiled and shook her head. "No, Roland. You're smart and you see people and you understand them, but you've got me wrong. I'm not the kind of girl that wants poetry and candy, and if you told me you loved me... well, I would have been out that door pretty fast. Commitment isn't really my thing."
She sighed and finally took a bite of pizza. "But hey... congratulations to your parents. It's nice to see that kind of thing. My dad split before I was even born."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Jan 18, 2009 22:01:58 GMT -5
Roland smiled his half-grin. "Then we're not that different," he replied. "Commitment scares the hell out of me. But if you're not looking for a commitment... then what are you looking for? You're clearly not happy with things the way they are... otherwise you wouldn't be here right now. I think maybe you need to figure out what it is that you want. Because I have a feeling that, whatever it is, you'll get it, if you put your mind to it."
He shrugged and took another slice of pizza. "If you're just looking for a friend... well, you're welcome here."
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Post by Nathalia Webb on Jan 18, 2009 22:33:20 GMT -5
"You know what I really want, more than anything?" She asked, a small smile playing at her lips. "It probably won't make any sense at all to you, but that's okay. I've never been big on explaining myself to anyone. But I want a guy to really, really want me... and tell me no. And I want him to make me stay."
She knew fully well what part of her problem was. It didn't take a genius to see that she had daddy issues, that she always left so quickly so that she could say it was on her terms. Nathalia would be the first one to admit it. But no guy had ever stopped her from leaving.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Jan 20, 2009 0:26:54 GMT -5
"That makes perfect sense to me," he said. "You want to be wanted for you. You want respect."
He set down his plate and took a sip from his glass of wine. "I'll be honest with you, Nathalia. I may, on occasion, pick up girls in bars... but I don't feel good about it. And as much fun as I had with you... I had a lot of regrets. I wish I could be that guy for you... the one who wants you enough to wait. The one who wants you to stay. And if I made you feel rejected at all... I am sorry."
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Post by Nathalia Webb on Jan 28, 2009 6:36:06 GMT -5
Nathalia waved off his apology. "If you don't mind me being honest, Roland, you didn't make me feel rejected at all. You were actually..." she laughed and shook her head, realizing again how stupid this whole situation was. "I haven't felt like I was anything more than a pretty face in a while. I enjoyed... well, you, and I don't want you to feel guilty at all. Please don't."
She took a sip of her wine as well. "Listen, I'm really sorry I came and bothered you. I just really didn't know where else to go." Luke would have been asleep, and Jadon... well, she wouldn't have gotten the answers she wanted from Jadon.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Jan 28, 2009 12:27:02 GMT -5
Roland smiled. "You are more than just a pretty face," he said. "You're funny, you're smart, you're adventurous. You deserve to find someone who can appreciate those things about you. I've been with girls... women... I didn't respect, and I didn't like who I was when I was with them. But I respect you."
He could have fallen for her, if he would let himself. But he was not a man who could give his heart freely or easily. He also knew, instinctively, that she wasn't the one for him. They would have some fun, but in the end, there would be heartbreak. It seemed safer to keep an emotional distance, and to just be friends.
"And you don't have to apologize, really. You're welcome to visit anytime. I honestly spend most of my nights alone, so I don't mind the company."
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Post by Nathalia Webb on Jan 31, 2009 5:02:59 GMT -5
That sad, lost smile was on Nathalia's lips still, as if she knew even now that in a few nights, she'd be trying to find her way in the arms of another man. She vowed now not to come to Roland when it left her empty again.
Her moral compass didn't exactly point due North, and maybe she was easy, but she knew what she wanted, and she'd get there someday.
He probably shouldn't respect her, but she appreciated the fact that he did all the more, and she took another sip of the wine.
"You're very kind, Roland," she told him, her mind running in a thousand different directions. "And I think you're the first person whose ever said they respected me. It means something, you know?"
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 7, 2009 13:16:20 GMT -5
Roland stared thoughtfully into his glass as he swirled the liquid around in his glass. "I don't pretend to be a knight in shining armor or any of that," he said. "Like you, I'm not looking for love... maybe just occasional companionship. But some people still look down on that kind of behavior. We're supposed to want to find love, get married, have kids... I just don't see myself doing those things. Who knows... maybe one day I'll meet someone and that will change. Maybe you will, too. But I don't think there's anything wrong with looking for something temporary. I mean, this is the 70s, you know? Things are changing, but a lot of people are stuck in the past. So, yeah... a lot of people probably would say they don't respect you. But they also haven't bothered to try and get to know you at all. Like I said, I've been with women I didn't respect... and I didn't like how it made me feel. That's why I tried to get to know you before taking you home. And I liked what I saw."
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