Sitting on Top of The World (Sev & Nat St. Clare)

[Natalie St. Clare]

Now that she was in school, Natalie didn't have nearly as much free time as she used to. It had been weeks since she'd climbed her favorite tree. Her mind was becoming troubled again with more visions of the future, and she needed some time to get away from it all. She was planning to meet Severus out by the lake, anyway, so she went out early and climbed up the tree. Once she was comfortably sitting on the big branch that overlooked the lake, she allowed her mind to wander a bit.

Because of her strange power, she had always been kind of removed from the rest of the world. It was easier to be distant than to get close to someone who might turn out to be doomed. Sabrina's death still haunted her, and she saw flashes of it at the most inappropriate times. She tried to hide it, but the pain was always there. Sabrina would have been a fourth year... she would have been so proud to know that Natalie was in Ravenclaw, too. But life was cruel, and her sister was gone forever.

And yet, despite this pain, and the visions she'd seen for Severus's future, she had allowed herself to get close to him. He was her best friend, possibly even closer than Sabrina had ever been. But he'd been acting weird lately. The emotions emanating from him lately had been chaotic and confusing. She knew she could figure out what was bothering him just by touching him, but somehow it felt like an invasion of privacy. But how else was she to know what was going on? Would he tell the truth if she asked?

Natalie sighed to herself. It was odd; she was not used to worrying about her own affairs. She wasn't even sure what she was feeling herself. She wished she could ask Sabrina for advice.

After a moment, she closed her eyes. She didn't want to think about it anymore. It was all too confusing.

[Severus Snape]

Severus walked toward the tree by the lake, He walked along the shore, he remembered he and Rori used to feed Herbert the Squid apples and bread. He hadn't done that in a long time it seemed. He got to the tree and looked up carefully, he didn't want to be rude afterall. He spotted her on a large branch, like an arm reaching to the other side of the lake, she was perched on it like a fairy. He smiled at the comparison, only she was much brighter than a fairy, in both respects. He started to climb up, his worn dress shoes making the climb both easier and harder. The leather was soft but the soles were thin, but he made it up the tree to Natalie.
"Hi" he said out of breath.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie flashed a tiny, rare smile. Seeing him up here in her tree (as she thought of it) made her feel warm all over, even though the autumn air had a sharp bite to it. "Hi," she said quietly.

Somehow, both of them sitting up in the tree felt right to her. Like they were king and queen looking over their kingdom. Or maybe she was just being silly. But there was something oddly private about sitting up in the tree with him.

[Severus Snape]

Severus felt warm air ghost over his arms, leaving him chilled and warm at the same time. He wanted to be happy with her, but he wasn't ready to admit that to anyone especially himself. He pushed the feeling into a knot just below his heart and just above his stomach.

He was at a loss of what to say. "How are you doing?" was the best his mind could come up with.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie leaned her head back against the trunk of the tree. She had asked him out here to talk, but she didn't really know what she wanted to say. Part of it was that she just wanted to be alone with him, hoping that some of the weirdness he'd been showing would clear up once they were alone. She wondered briefly if maybe he was embarrassed to be seen with her. She knew about how Slytherins looked at students from other houses. The thoughts she had seen when she brushed past the older Slytherin boy had made that all too clear to her. Add to that the fact that she was often known for being an oddball--because of incidents like in the first dueling class--and she wouldn't have been too surprised if he was embarrassed to be her friend. She could hardly blame him, if that was the case.

"I'm OK," she replied in a neutral tone. "How come you were sitting with that older Slytherin boy in dueling class?"

[Severus Snape]

Severus flushed, "No reason, He just has been wanting to chat...Like Lucius tried doing before, but You know What I did to him! I don't think pink would suit him as much as it did Lucius." He laughed a little hollowly but then chuckled in earnest when he remembered Lucius's frothy pink shade of hair.

"It's just being in Slytherin has a few social duties I guess, I would of tried to be pickier if I had thought it was going to be an obligation." he said half as earnest.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie frowned. Generally speaking, the different houses meant very little to her. She actually thought it was a bit silly, because the divisions of houses often created a lot of tension that didn't need to exist. Students thinking that you had to act a certain way or be friends with certain people just because of the houses they were in... it was dangerous, in her opinion. If she was to behave like a "typical" Ravenclaw, she should be running around with her head in a book, doing her homework frantically. It was all very silly.

"I don't understand," she said. "You're expected to be friends with other Slytherins, just because you're in the same house? That's silly."

[Severus Snape]

Severus felt a bit off put, he was proud of being slytherin, it wasn't as bad as everyone made it sound. "It might be silly but it is how things are."
Severus was again surprised on how his emotions changed, While Natalie was still so important to him, he found that he could still be disagreeable and even disagree with her, but still she was so important. His heart trembled with the feeling again, it felt like it was shaking away his resolve to understand what he was feeling away from her.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie sighed. She knew such opinions were unpopular at Hogwarts. There was a lot of house pride, and people looked on their houses as an honor and a privilege. But they meant nothing to her. "Well, I'm not friends with everyone in my house. And my best friend isn't in Ravenclaw." She hoped he knew what she meant. After all, she didn't exactly have a lot of friends. She had him, and Rori and Lily. That was all she needed, as far as she was concerned.

[Severus Snape]

Severus flushed again, He hoped to pass it off because he climbed a bit more and shuffled to the other side of the branch. "Well...Neither is mine." his guts crawled, he wasn't sure if it was because he was on the same branch as Natalie, or that he was hanging his feet over the lake and the branches above him shook when he shuffled to the other side of Natalie.
"You haven't wanted to you know... See in me right?" He asked it suddenly. He was intensely private... but the rules didn't apply for Natalie, that scared him but it thrilled him. He couldn't hide, but did he want to from her? He was confusing himself again and he knew it. he hoped if she had she'd lie, and if she didn't want to, didn't need too, she'd lie too.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie hesitated for a minute before answering. She wasn't sure he would like her answer. She knew how private he was. And the way he'd been acting lately... he probably would be less thrilled to hear the truth.

"Well... yes, I was tempted. But I haven't done it. I can't help feeling your emotions, though. Especially when you wear them so close to the surface. But yesterday in dueling... you were putting out some confusing feelings, and I wanted to help you, but I didn't think I could do it unless I knew what you were thinking. But I didn't do it."

[Severus Snape]

Severus didn't know if he wanted to be excited happy or scared witless. If he was weak he'd cry, but he took a deep breath and said "I've just been thinking... I don't want you looking in me right now, Not until I figure this out. " he pushed his feelings, all of them down. he blinked and thought 'i'm not big enough to house this crowd..it might destroy me' he half hoped that they'd talk and everything would hit the air and become something real and then he wouldn't bear the burden of so much feeling, but he turned to look at her and felt that he couldn't give it to her, all of them all at once? if it felt like it was killing him, it'd kill her for sure. and he felt everything in him get muted in a sadness.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie was confused, but she wasn't even sure if it was really her that was confused, or if it was just him. The fear and nervous confusion positively radiated from him like a powerful heat. But why was he so confused?

"I won't," she answered quietly. "But that means I can't touch you for a while. Even accidentally."

[Severus Snape]

Severus nodded. "I just have too much in me right now. I don't think...Nevermind" he made up his mind not to talk about it or let her know so much, he wasn't going to screw that up.
He opened his mouth so say something but shut it. he didn't want to seem rude and asked how would she would feel if He could peer into her. Then it struck him, what if she didn't feel anything for him? Sure he was her best friend, but what if that meant as much to her as having a favorite sweater?

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie nodded slowly. She could understand why he wouldn't really want her in his head. The things she saw were often very private and intense, and she often felt ashamed for seeing them, not that she had any choice.

"OK," she said softly. "I won't look in your head any more. But you should know... I still can feel things, even when I don't touch you. I can sense emotions all the time... I just can't always understand them without a touch. It's strange, but sometimes I'm so busy sensing other people's feelings that I don't know how I feel myself."

[Severus Snape]

This worried Severus, did she know if she cared about him? or was he projecting things on to her. "Were alone before, to know what you were feeling?"
He was curious about it now, was she always alone to know what she was feeling? despite being able to see as much as she could did she understand it at all?

[Natalie St. Clare]

"It's hard to explain, really," Natalie said, turning to stare out over the water with a faraway look in her eyes. "When I'm completely by myself... that's the only time I can really think and feel for myself. That's the only time I can really be myself. But when I'm with other people... it's like I'm a sponge... I soak up their feelings and mine are pushed aside and lost. And the more people I'm with, the worse it can be. Sometimes in class I feel like I'm going crazy, because all these conflicting emotions are swirling around inside me. That's why I like to be alone, here in the tree... it's the only thing that keeps me sane, I think."

[Severus Snape]

Severus felt the sadness in his heart over her change and shape itself, her situation is sad. He felt guilty, he felt like soiled water around her at the moment, like he was tainting her.
"You are more yourself than most people, more yourself than most in my house I think anyway." he meant it. He wanted to hold her hand, something in the action he felt would make him feel at ease, but as soon as he twitched his hand, he stopped and loathed himself, he didn't want her to know the torment of him, and she hadn't really answered his question, but put it to one side.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie smiled slightly. "My dad always says that, too, actually. He says it's because most people are so wrapped up in themselves and how other people see them that they put a on a false face. But because I'm so tuned in to other people's thoughts already, I don't really care how they see me. So while everyone else is putting on airs, I'm just being myself. That's what my dad says anyway." She gave him a sideways look. "You do it, too, you know. You put on airs in front of others. Like in potions class with the older Slytherin. That wasn't you."

[Severus Snape]

Severus felt ashamed, and hurt. maybe she did only care for him as much as a sweater, a favorite sweater, but still a sweater.
"I have to, no one else is worth it." he said defensively. He really thought of it, his parents small sad home, how most of the other kids came from families with things like 'love' and such things as clothing that wasn't well worn before they got it. It was worse than second had, it was thread bare.
He thought of how best to escape, if he could from the whole situation. He felt the fear again, scared of what she would think, how she would look down on him once she knew, if she could know what of all was inside of him. he felt despair.