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Post by Diana Ward on Nov 13, 2016 21:13:17 GMT -5
"Well that's convenient to say this morning isn't it?" She stood and faced him despite the pain in her foot. She still came a good half foot shorter than he was, but she was no less imposing hobbling and looking up at him.
"You weren't supposed to be there!" she hissed, "You could have been home f*cking me and thinking about me! That was the best option!" she yelled in his face.
It was starting to become clear that Diana was dis-proportionally angry, at least to herself. So what if Christian had a stag night? Did she really even care? She knew he loved her, she knew he wouldn't cheat on her. At least she believed as much. She also believed him that he was frustrated by suddenly being married and wanting to test his vows. The Diana Christian had fallen in love with would have laughed at him and laughed at his hangover. The Diana he faced now was the one who moodily slept half the days away in their daughter's bedroom.
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Post by Christian Ward on Nov 13, 2016 21:26:30 GMT -5
It was hard to appear imposing while having been injured by a ceramic mug, but Diana managed to, along with looking as beautiful as she always did when they fought. Her cheeks reddened and the angles of her face became harder. Gorgeous.
"Or I could have been home and you'd be f*cking sleeping again!" he threw at her. They'd had more arguments than sex lately, and if they weren't doing either of those things then Diana was sleeping and he still had no God damned idea why.
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Post by Diana Ward on Nov 13, 2016 21:29:55 GMT -5
"So what I'm tired and that's an excuse to go elsewhere?" she asked incredulously, "You're a pig." she snarled at him before turning to walk or hobble rather away from him.
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Post by Christian Ward on Nov 13, 2016 21:44:56 GMT -5
Christian grabbed her by the arm as she tried to move past him. "I'm the f*cking pig you woke up sobbing to this morning, asking me to run away with you. All the men I've killed for you Diana, all the sh*t I've done and you still don't f*cking trust me enough to really tell me what the f*ck is going on inside your f*cking head. But I stick around because I can't see the point in f*cking living without you now that I know what it's like to have you. I f*cking married you. I told you I wanted only you for the rest of my f*cking life. You cry and tell me you can't do any of this without me and I believe you, Diana but clearly I'm an idiot for believing it because I bend over f*cking backwards to prove myself for you and the one f*cking time I even look at another woman - who I can't f*cking do anything with anyway because I f*cking vowed my faithfulness to you because I f*cking love you so God damned much, who I wouldn't do anything with because of the same God damned reasons - the one f*cking time Diana and you want to throw it all away.
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Post by Diana Ward on Nov 13, 2016 21:53:10 GMT -5
The intensity of the morning, her dream, and now his words all had their affect on her, but it was the look in his eyes that broke her. He was in pain. Part of that was the hangover, but mostly it was her. She didn't want to throw anything away, but she was so damned scared of hurting the way she had hurt in the past she kept pushing him away thinking that if she didn't let him in, it wouldn't hurt if he left her or if she lost him.
She wasn't aware that he would remember what she had said in the morning, or what he had said the night before, but he did. And clearly he loved her and knew her so well to give her time and space to figure things out. Not very well because he wasn't a patient man, but as best he could. He obviously wasn't having it anymore. He wanted and he deserved to understand.
"I'm f*cking pregnant!" she burst out in an emotional cry.
She pulled herself out of his hold and went back to the chair to sit down burying her face in her folded arms. She was ashamed, she was vulnerable, she was scared, angry, and a million other things.
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Post by Christian Ward on Nov 13, 2016 23:52:21 GMT -5
Christian's mouth fell open and he gawked at Diana as if she had just removed her head and began juggling with it. She couldn't possible have just said what he thought he heard. There was no way. She was clearly mistaken.
"That's not possible," he said in a stunned, accusatory manner. She had to be wrong, she wasn't pregnant. Christian continued to stare at her as she cried into her arms. Slowly the gears in his head began to turn as he realized they had never gone more than a few days without having sex for the last several months. "F*ck."
"How long have you known this?!" She'd been acting strange for weeks, had she known this whole time. Did she know before the Ling hit? "How f*cking long, Diana!"
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Post by Diana Ward on Nov 14, 2016 0:07:32 GMT -5
"Hanley's last visit." she said her words muffled as she didn't lift her head from her arms.
There was no point in keeping it from him. She knew he'd be angry and suddenly all the reasons she kept her silence seemed selfish and insignificant. She knew on some level she was still processing the changes her body was going through as well as the information that she was pregnant in the first place.
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Post by Christian Ward on Nov 14, 2016 0:17:40 GMT -5
"That was weeks ago!" he bellowed. "Why didn't you tell me? You went on a mission and you knew! You didn't f*cking think it was important to tell me!"
Christian was disproportionately angry. He wasn't thinking of how their lives would change or whether he or Diana were happy. He focused on the countless lies she had told him, the number of opportunities she was given to confess, and the fact that Diana had somehow coerced Hanley into keeping this from him.
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Post by Diana Ward on Nov 14, 2016 0:27:06 GMT -5
"I know it was important to tell you!" she yelled at him her head shooting up, the tears still streaming down her face, "I was going to tell you!" she confirmed.
She didn't have an excuse she didn't know what say. Why didn't she tell him? Because she was afraid? Because he was going to turn even more autocratic and try and lock her up to keep her safe, and maybe he should have then they wouldn't be in the position they were now.
"I don't know!" she yelled at him wanting to run but her feet wouldn't carry her, "I'm sorry!"
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Post by Christian Ward on Nov 14, 2016 0:34:56 GMT -5
Her yelling did nothing to change Christian's tactic, it never did. He kept right on screaming at her, accusing her accurately of lying to him.
"We're f*cking bonded, Diana! I almost died. You would have died!" The baby would have died. He had been distraught thinking of what would have happened to her had the explosion taken him, but to add a baby, their baby to that destruction was unthinkable. "What the f*ck were you thinking?"
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Post by Diana Ward on Nov 14, 2016 0:42:50 GMT -5
She wasn't thinking. Not logically anyway. She thought it would be an easy job, and for the most part it was, the assassin changed things. Their marriage changed things.
Diana was getting a headache from the screaming and the crying, and her foot was throbbing.
She reacted out of pain.
"I was thinking that I don't want this! I don't want to be yelled at or told what to do! You don't own me because I'm pregnant, and you can't just expect me to stay at home and knit while you're out there risking your life for mine, which now by the way is also risking my life. I know it was stupid. I just don't know what I'm doing! I haven't known what to do since I ran into you at that damn inn! You made everything change and I don't know how to change!" she cried at him showing just how broken she truly was.
Diana was terrified about being pregnant. Everything she had been through before and who she was now, who she would have to be in order to be a mother, none of it made sense to her and like a wounded terrified animal she lashed out.
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Post by Christian Ward on Nov 14, 2016 1:17:48 GMT -5
He could leave now. He was angry enough to storm off and let her solve her own problems. But they weren't her problems alone and even if they had been he wouldn't want to leave her to them. He was angry at her and at the unborn baby inside of her, but instead of storming away he marched angrily to Diana and wrapped his arms around her.
"F*ck, Diana," he said into her hair, not yelling but still furious at her. "What the bloody hell are we going to do?"
Christian was ill-equipped for having a baby. If they even made it that far. He now understood why Diana had pleaded with him to run away this morning. He understood why her moods swung so wildly without warning and she had been sleeping so much. Her frequent refusal of the drinks he offered her. There were so many clues screaming at him for weeks now and he was blind to all of them. He held her tighter as every puzzle piece fell into place.
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Post by Diana Ward on Nov 14, 2016 1:25:39 GMT -5
For someone who didn't know how to change, she knew how to break. Christian's comfort came at precisely the right moment. The wall she had built around herself shattered and she let him in. Their future was still uncertain, and they would have at least a thousand more fights, but he got this one right.
If Derek was to be believed, that they would have to learn how to communicate, then Christian holding her the way he was, was a very good start.
She resisted at first, but resistance melted into desperation as she allowed him to carry some of the weight of their reality.
"I'm scared Christian." she confessed. It was a monumental confession from someone like Diana who passionately resented fear and threw herself head first into danger.
"I'm so scared." she leaned into him letting him bear most of her weight.
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Post by Christian Ward on Nov 14, 2016 2:05:53 GMT -5
He didn't know what to say to her. He was too angry still though in days to come he would feel the same panic and fear Diana felt now. The betrayal was too fresh to allow the other emotions in.
He kissed her head, the only response he could give her without yelling or accusing her, and held her up. After a moment he decided he knew what she needed most and it would require no words at all. He could be angry and she could be frightened but they would find some comfort in each other.
Christian picked her up and held her in his arms then moved to the stairs. He carried her up to their bedroom and laid her on the bed, then laid down next to her. He held her silently, running through a thousand accusations in his head but never speaking a single one of them.
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Post by Diana Ward on Nov 14, 2016 2:13:44 GMT -5
Diana knew it. She could hear every accusation he didn't say, but she loved him for not saying them.
She didn't know when the tears started to fall again, but they were cathartic. She wasn't alone anymore. This pregnancy was already different for so many reasons, but the fact that she had Christian with her this time made a happy ending seem possible. Even if he wanted to rip into her.
She turned to face him, her hand reached up to his cheek, she stroked the stubble at his chin lovingly with her fingertips.
At last she said the only thing she could think of, "I love you Christian Ward."
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Post by Christian Ward on Nov 14, 2016 2:30:19 GMT -5
That was it. His anger with her had instantly evaporated. She had told him she loved him when they were drugged, and she had told an unconscious Christian she loved him the night before but this was the first time they were both sober and awake. It was the only time he would be able to believe her.
"About bloody time," he said with a hint of a smile gracing his stern face.
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Post by Diana Ward on Nov 14, 2016 2:37:20 GMT -5
She shook her head slightly as a tear escaped the corner of her eye. "I always have." she told him as though it were silly of him to question the way she felt about him.
She had loved one man in her entire life, and a part of her still couldn't believe he was hers.
But as she closed her eyes and settled against his chest, letting his strength surround her it was finally clear. He always had her heart, but now he had her trust.
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