Apologies - Geoffrey

[Riley Neves]

Riley nodded. "But you're making progress. You've found something that takes all of that a way, even if it's just for a little while. I know it's still frustrating... believe me, I know that. But you are making progress... it's just going to be a slow road."

She ached, wishing she could do anything to make it better for him. "And you're not alone. Matthieu and Cara are barely speaking to each other right now. Christine took this hard. I... I mean, things are hard for me, too. And what happened to each of us and what we went through is different, and individual to each of us, we're all walking that road. My point is, you are not alone in this. I'm here. You have people around you that don't want you to suffer like this. Maybe after the baby comes, you and I can go running sometimes?"

He probably knew he wasn't alone. It was how to get rid of the feelings inside. "Have you talked to Allison recently?"

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

He actually hadn't known about the problems between his aunt Cara and uncle Mathieu, but it didn't really surprise him. He vaguely remembered noticing that they weren't standing near each other during the "funeral," but he'd been so caught up with Riley that he hadn't paid much attention. And Christine had been upset even before Roland's "death" because of the Hogsmeade attack.

"I hope Roland realizes the impact of what he did," he said. It wasn't spoken in anger or bitterness. His voice was calm and even, almost like a parent trying to teach a lesson to a wayward child.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He didn't want this to be about Roland, or the fallout from his plan. It was much more than that, and he didn't know how to explain that to Riley.

"I haven't tried, no. I figure she's well shot of me by now. How can I be with her when...."

He trailed off, and looked at her with a strange look in his eyes. He'd almost said that he loved someone else. But in that moment, Geoffrey realized the truth of it all. No, he didn't love Riley. And maybe he didn't love Alison, either. How could he when he didn't even love himself?

"...When I don't even love myself anymore?"

[Riley Neves]

Riley took a breath and side. "He knows," she said softly. "And he feels terrible about it. And we're both doing everything we can to make it better... but you know as well as I do, there's not much that can be done now. Everyone needs time."

Roland knew better than Geoffrey thought he did. He saw what Riley was going through, what his parents were going through. And while Riley promised him that she would figure things out and get back to normal soon, his parents hadn't made any such promises. Yes, Roland did realize the full impact of what he'd done.

Riley hated herself sometimes for being the person who knew and kept it from everyone. Roland never had the opportunity to tell anyone because he was hidden away. And he sent her back into the real world to lie to everyone. She didn't resent him for it... but she hated herself for it. Especially in moments like this- moments that Riley didn't think Roland would ever see.

She could do nothing but wrap her arms around Geoffrey with that admission of his. She wanted to cry, but held back, knowing this was his moment. And there was nothing she could say that could make this any better. Still, she needed to try. "None of this is your fault, Geoff. You need to forgive yourself."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

It was something she would never be able to understand, and he had no idea how to explain it to her. The fear, the helplessness, the loss of control.... these things haunted him in ways he couldn't begin to describe. The worst part was that he felt himself becoming bogged down by them, and it was changing him in ways he didn't like. He was afraid to leave the house. He was pushing everyone away. He cheated on Alison with a willing barmaid, just because she was there. He was becoming someone he didn't understand, and didn't like.

When he was younger, he had never been afraid of anything. Like Christine, he had jumped into life with both feet, and didn't hesitate. Now he was questioning everything he did, looking over his shoulder at every turn. He didn't want to be that guy. He didn't want to be afraid of his own shadow, and yet he didn't know how to stop. He used to be the person everyone could turn to for advice or support, and yet now that he needed those things, he didn't know how to lean on anyone... but he couldn't do it alone, either.

It all left him feeling like a stranger in his own body.

"I'm trying," he said, holding her close. "It's just... I don't know who I am anymore."

[Riley Neves]

The guilt of what he was going through positively ate at her. It was her fault he'd been targeted. She shouldn't have leaned on him for support. She just couldn't do it alone. She went through do much more than anyone realized... Yes, she had Roland that whole time, but she'd been living in two worlds, working in two cases, in constant danger... She needed someone on the outside.

For the first time, Riley was actually angry at Roland. Sitting here, holding her best friend while he questioned his own current existence, she blamed Roland.

She took a deep breath, centering herself and reminding herself that she was a willing participant in this whole plan.

"Okay. I understand. Let's rediscover him."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Geoffrey sighed and clung to her for a minute before pushing away. "I don't think you can help me," he said. "I appreciate what you're trying to do. But you have your own issues to deal with, and you have Roland. I think I have to figure this out for myself. And you're part of the problem. I'm not mad at you and I don't blame you, not really... I just.... I can't be around you right now. Looking at you reminds me of things I'm trying to forget."

Oddly enough, he was now feeling stronger than he had since the moment the death eater had put him under the Imperius Curse. He was starting to realize that he needed to stop expecting other people to fix his problems... he had to fix them himself. But Riley, right now, was a confusing influence that he just didn't need right now. His feelings for her were mixed with anger and resentment and pain, and he didn't know if he loved her or hated her or was still her best friend.

"You have to give me some time, OK?"

[Riley Neves]

She could have blamed the hormones, but even if she wasn't pregnant, she knew she would have teared up at what Geoffrey just said to her. He didn't want to be around her, and she was part of the problem. It was temporary, she hoped, from the way he said it, but Merlin, did it sting. He was her best friend, and she could literally feel herself losing him.

But she nodded. "Right. Okay," she said, blinking back the emotion that threatened to expose her. "I understand. I should... I should go, Geoff."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

He wasn't being fair to Riley. She'd come here, trying to bridge the gap. She didn't know about the jumbled mess that was in his head. She just wanted to be his friend, to salvage their relationship, and he was pushing her away. But he needed to get his head together, and sort out his confusing emotions... and her presence would only complicate things. However, that excuse only went so far, since he wasn't actually doing anything to fix his situation or repair his troubled mind. Maybe it was time to start. He'd never get better just sitting back on his arse and hiding in this house.

Geoffrey sighed again, wishing he could take it back. He wished he could take it all back--the last few months. It wasn't fair that they couldn't turn back time and do things differently this time. Only, he wasn't sure what he could have done differently. None of this had been his fault, not really. And it wasn't fair to blame her, or even Roland, for everything that had happened. It was this escalating war that was going on around them. Everyone would get caught up in it eventually, he realized that now. There was no hiding from it. Whether they fought in it or not, whether they chose sides--they would still get caught up in it anyway. And maybe, just maybe, it was time to do something about it.

That was the first spark in Geoffrey's mind. It wasn't doing him any good to sit back here and continue to be a victim. If you acted like a victim, then you'd be a victim. And dammit, he was not a victim. He was a Montgomery.

"Riley, I'm sorry," he said, walking over and pulling her into a hug. "I love you, you know. I just... I need to figure out how to love myself again. I'll talk to you soon, OK?"