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Post by Riley Neves on Nov 16, 2011 23:47:22 GMT -5
This was something Riley had been meaning to do for a long time. She came to Geoffrey not long back and made her apologies for not visiting him... but she didn't think that counted.
And coming her wasn't the hard part... the hard part was that Riley felt like Geoffrey would have every reason not to forgive her for basically abandoning him, after all he'd done for her. But she had to come out and tell him just how sorry she was and how much he meant to her.
She stopped by the Bakery they used to spend their Hogsmeades trips at, getting the muffin she knew he liked, and then came here. He still wasn't back at his apartment, probably still dealing with all of the aftermath. It was okay... she didn't like being alone either.
When she knocked, the Butler sent her right on up to his room, where she knocked lightly on his door.
(I miss them. And since she's getting her life back in order....)
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Nov 17, 2011 17:15:02 GMT -5
(I apologize in advance for the following post....)
Geoffrey was also trying to get control of his life, but he was doing it a little at time. After weeks of sitting and vegetating, he suddenly had got it into his head to take full advantage of the gym that his uncle maintained on the estate. He'd been working out, exercising and training for no particular reason, other than it made him feel a little better about himself. He still hadn't left the house, however, and he wasn't back at work yet. One thing at a time, he reasoned.
Geoffrey had just finished a workout and a swim in the pool when Riley knocked on his door. Jensen was supposed to bring up a juice for him, so he assumed it was the butler when he threw the door open, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.
"Riley!" he said, surprised. "I'm sorry... I wasn't expecting you. Let me grab a robe."
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Post by Riley Neves on Nov 20, 2011 14:04:11 GMT -5
"Oh wow."
Riley laughed when he opened the door. It wasn't like she hadn't seen most of Geoffrey before, it was just unexpected, and she obviously wasn't prepared. As he turned to find something to put on, Riley commented, "You're looking really good, Geoff."
She hoped that he was doing better... but she didn't know. Not yet. But that was half the purpose of this visit.
"I can go downstairs and wait if that's better... sorry to interrupt."
It should have occurred to her that he might have a girl in the room with him, but she just didn't think of it. It was probably a good thing she didn't, or she would have lost all of her nerve.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Nov 21, 2011 0:35:32 GMT -5
"No, no... it's fine," Geoffrey said, waving her off. "Let me just step into the bathroom for a second, OK? I'll be right back out."
He grabbed a pair of jeans that were draped across the back of his chair and ducked into the bathroom that was just off the side of his bedroom. Once he was out of her sight, Geoffrey allowed himself to crumble just a little bit. He was playing it cool, trying to act like everything was fine, but it still wasn't. He was just getting better at pretending.
He'd barely looked at her when she was standing at the door. She was noticeably pregnant now, and he found it hard to look at her without remembering how he had been there with her when she found out; he had held her while she cried and he'd offered to marry her and be a father to the baby. If Roland hadn't been alive... he might be married to Riley right now. He might be the one talking about names and planning a future. Instead, his future was in limbo.
He managed to get his breathing under control after a minute, and was able to resume looking calm and cool. he could do this. He could be Geoffrey again.
He pulled on his jeans and checked his appearance quickly before stepping back out into the bedroom. He hadn't bothered to put on a shirt, but he grabbed one from the back of his chair, still carrying it as he made his way over to the bed to sit down. Maybe there was a little bit of a conscious attempt to show off to her; he knew he looked good from all the exercise, and a part of him wanted her to notice and realize what she was missing.
"Sorry about that. I just finished a swim... I thought you were Jensen. How are you doing? You're starting to show."
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Post by Riley Neves on Nov 21, 2011 16:15:31 GMT -5
Merlin, if only they talked to each other like they used to. Riley was just trying to be Riley again, too. This new, positive attitude was forced. She was making herself better because it was easier to pretend that she was okay than it was to let everyone worry about her. Riley didn't do to well letting others take care of her, and he had enough of that now.
"Oh, it's okay. I wish I could swim. The doctors say it's not good. It's weird, isn't it? I never thought I'd be here."
She took a breath and faltered, just for a moment, before she turned a smile on him. "Anyway.... how are you?"
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Nov 21, 2011 23:55:55 GMT -5
Geoffrey pulled the T-shirt over his bare chest and smiled over at Riley. "I'm... I'm doing better. Not back to normal yet, but hey, what's normal, anyway, right?"
Merlin, it hurt to look at her. She looked so pretty, and pregnancy seemed to agree with her. However she was feeling, she had an extra spark to her that really enhanced her beauty. Her cheeks had more color, and even her hair seemed shinier. But he forced himself to look at her and keep his smile bright.
"Come on, have a seat," he said, nodding to the chair across from him. "I'm glad you're here, actually. I... I wanted to apologize. For the last time you saw me. I was in bad shape then, and I acted like a jerk. I really am happy for you."
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Post by Riley Neves on Nov 22, 2011 0:16:18 GMT -5
Riley smiled sadly. "Well, you look really good," she told him again.
She moved to sit in the chair, trying to get her thoughts together for what she wanted to say to him, when he apologized to her. Her eyes snapped back to his, surprised. "Geoff, no... please, you don't owe me an apology at all. That's actually why I'm here. I, uh..."
She brought her hands together and decided to just say whatever came to mind, or she might not get it all out. "I came to apologize for everything. I should have never involved you in what was going on. It wasn't fair to ask you to keep that secret for me. It's because of me that you were targeted. And I'm sorry, most of all, for not being there for you afterwards. I was so scared, Geoffrey... and that's no excuse, I know it isn't. And if you are angry with me about that, I deserve it. I just feel like I'm losing you, and you really don't know what I would do to... to not be losing you."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Nov 22, 2011 0:46:51 GMT -5
Geoffrey sighed, and for a minute, his happy face crumbled. Maybe they both had things to apologize for. But some of those things... he had done them willingly. She hadn't dragged him into anything; he had done it all because he cared about her. Because he loved her, and would do anything for her. Couldn't she see that?
"Riley... You didn't force me to get involved. I did it because you're my best friend, and I wanted to help you. You needed someone, and I thought Roland was dead... I would have insisted on helping you, no matter what you said. You couldn't have stopped me. I.... I was mad about the secret.... that you were keeping the truth from me and that you made me part of it.... but I forgave you for that a long time ago. And I forgave you for not coming to see me after I was cursed. I can't blame you for being afraid."
He sighed again and ran a hand through his still-damp hair. "I was hurt at the time... but I didn't blame you for it. For any of it. And you know what? I'd do it again if I had it to do over again. Because you needed me."
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Post by Riley Neves on Nov 22, 2011 1:00:20 GMT -5
Riley frowned. If all of this were true, then why did she feel like Geoffrey would have rather it been anyone else at the door except for her? She didn't know how to get their relationship back, and it bothered her a lot. Geoffrey had been the one solid thing in her life up until she found Roland, and she was determined that she could have them both in their life. They each just had a different place in her life.
She sighed. "Is there something I'm missing, Geoffrey? Something I should be apologizing for that you haven't forgiven me for yet? I just... I want to be here for you. Like you were there for me for all of this. I'm better now, you know. I'm not so self centered any more and if there's anything I can do to help you..."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Nov 22, 2011 1:29:35 GMT -5
How could he say that the one thing he hadn't forgiven her for was not loving him? That was the answer, of course.... but he couldn't tell her that. She loved Roland, and they were happy. He had missed his chance, and now he was left wondering what was left for him.
"I'm not mad at you," he said. "I'm not. But things are just going to be different now, and I don't think we can avoid that. You're engaged, you're going to be a mother.... Things can't be the same way they were. That doesn't mean they can't be good again... we can still be friends. I just need a little more time... to adjust."
He stood up abruptly and crossed the room to where she was sitting. "Do you think Roland will mind if we hug? I should have done it when you came in, but I was kinda... naked."
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Post by Riley Neves on Nov 23, 2011 2:39:17 GMT -5
Riley liked to think she was a realist, that she saw things in a more logical way than most people did. But even looking at this in every way she could, she couldn't figure out how things just had to change. Little things, sure. She wouldn't have as much free time once the baby was born. They couldn't sneak off anymore to just do whatever.... but they could still be Riley and Geoffrey.
"I don't... I don't agree with that. I just honestly don't see what has to change. Yes, I'll be married and a mother, but why does that mean you can't still be my best friend? If it's because you haven't forgiven me, that's fine, I understand that. I haven't forgiven myself yet either. But I just don't understand what you need time to adjust to. It scares me."
She didn't even answer his question about Roland. She was so ready for a hug from him that she was on her feet, her arms around his neck tight as she willed her hormonal self not to cry.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Nov 23, 2011 18:41:26 GMT -5
Geoffrey hugged her tightly, holding her longer than Roland probably would have liked. But he didn't care. Like Riley, he wanted things to be OK again--not just pretend, but really OK. He wanted his best friend back. If he couldn't have her love, he would take whatever he could get of her. Even if it hurt.
Things would have been different, even if he hadn't realized that he was in love with her. They had to be. She was going to be a wife and mother, and he was just Geoffrey... single and not ready to settle down. She was moving on to the next stage, and leaving him behind. Even if he hadn't ruined things with Alison, he still was not ready to settle down. Unless it was with Riley.
"It's not you," he said at last. "It's just me, OK? I need to figure things out... figure my life out. I just... I self destructed for a while. And I'm not sure I'm back to normal yet. I'm trying... but I'm not there yet. Do you know I've only gone out 3 times in the last month? The last time I had a panic attack so severe I nearly passed out."
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Post by Riley Neves on Nov 23, 2011 22:32:23 GMT -5
But Riley wasn't thinking about Roland in that moment. This time was for her, and it was for Geoff. Roland already knew not to make her choose between them. She had room in her life for both, in their different capacities. She loved them both in their different ways.
"You just gave me such a typical break up line," Riley said with a small laugh, pulling back from him slightly. "Are you breaking up with me, Geoffrey?" she asked in what she hoped was a teasing way. But the rest of his words sobered her immensely, and she nodded. "Yeah... I know. Merlin, I'm so sorry. I'm there, too. Roland keeps trying to get me to go out and I won't. I haven't left the apartment since the last time I saw you, actually. Everything just seems so big and terrifying, and I'm just...." Riley stopped, took a breath, and kept her eyes on his. "I'm just scared that if I leave my little world, I'll come back to find out it was never real. That's a lot harder to get over than I thought it would be. I'm so sorry you have to go through this."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Nov 23, 2011 23:21:32 GMT -5
Geoffrey kept his arms around her. Merlin knew he shouldn't have, but he just... couldn't bring himself to let go. He needed her, and he was tired of holding back. "No, I'm not 'breaking up' with you," he assured her with a nervous little laugh. "I'm just saying... be patient with me, OK? I'm having enough trouble figuring out my own life without trying to figure out where I fit in yours."
He hoped that didn't sound blunt. But to a certain extent, he needed to be a little selfish right now. He deserved it, didn't he, after all that he'd been through? He didn't want to hurt her, but she had her happy ending, and he was still in hell. And yet, her next words shocked him greatly.
"You're not back at work yet?" Geoffrey said, surprised. He thought she would be doing better with all of this, since she had Roland to lean on. What was she lacking if she was still afraid and having trouble with reality?
"I'm not having trouble with reality anymore," Geoffrey said. "I still have the nightmares where I dream that I... that you died. And I still wake up screaming sometimes. But I know what's real... if this were a dream, it would be better, wouldn't it?" He sighed and looked at her seriously. "I don't understand. Why isn't Roland helping you?"
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Post by Riley Neves on Nov 23, 2011 23:31:58 GMT -5
It was blunt, and Riley frowned deeply. But that was exactly why she was here, to make sure that Geoffrey knew how much she loved him, and that he still had a place in her life. "Well, you don't have to fit into a perfect little cut out in my life, Geoffrey. There's room for you wherever you want to be. Just... yeah. I've got nothing but patience for you, if you'll have the same for me."
She held her breath for a moment, wishing her friend saw just how alike they were in their recovery, or maybe even the lack of it. "I'm not sure the nightmares ever go away... and I don't know. My dreams have never been particularly good anyway, so this sort of fits right in."
His question shook her, and she was quick to defend Roland. "No, he's helping. I just try not to let him see how bad it is sometimes, because he has a lot of damage control to do. I can take care of myself. And with the baby and Angelique's imposed suspension, it's just made sense not to go back to work. As it is, I'll only have a couple of months before I take maternity leave. He's helping though. He's been great. Are you taking anything to sleep? I found a new potion that seems to help more. I could bring you some, next time. And please.... let me know if there's anything I can do?"
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Nov 24, 2011 0:01:06 GMT -5
No, she was wrong. There was not room for him where he wanted to be... that space was occupied by Roland. There may have been space for both Geoffrey and Roland in Riley's life, but Geoffrey had to accept that he came second to Roland. And that was the trouble... he couldn't quite accept that. Not yet, anyway.
"I'm not mad at you," he said again. "I'm just messed up now, and I'm still working out what to do about it. I ruined my relationship with Alison... I don't think she'll ever talk to me again. And maybe I'm a little jealous of you and Roland..."
He stopped there, letting her assume whatever she wanted there. Maybe it would have been better if he just came out and said it, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth.
"I'm not taking anything," he admitted. "I guess I should, but I didn't want to get dependent on it...."
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Post by Riley Neves on Nov 26, 2011 1:17:50 GMT -5
"You being mad at me isn't the point, Geoff. It's not why I'm here."
It was a bonus, if he wasn't angry with her, but really, he had every right to be. She just wished she could make him understand how badly she wanted to help.
"I came to make sure you were okay, or at least let you know that I love you, and if there's anything I can do, I'm here. I came to apologize... not to assure myself that I had your forgiveness. I'm here for you, Geoffrey. I'm just sorry it wasn't sooner. Talk to Allison... but wait until you have things figured out. Don't add that complication to what you're already dealing with. She'll understand."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Nov 27, 2011 1:28:53 GMT -5
Somehow, she had missed the part about being jealous. Or she was avoiding the subject. She probably thought he was just jealous of the fact that she and Roland were happy together and he wasn't. And, yes, that was part of it. But there was more to it than that, and maybe on some level, Geoffrey wanted her to realize it. To understand that he loved her, too, and not just as a best friend.
He didn't know what else to say to her. He wasn't OK, and she knew it. But she could not help him with what was really bothering him. And he couldn't even tell her what it was.
"I love you, too," he said softly. He still had his arms around her, and Merlin, he wanted to kiss her. But he didn't. Instead, he pulled away and ran a hand through his hair. "But I tried to kill you. I was under the curse.... but I was still in there, Riley. And I'm having trouble dealing with that."
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Post by Riley Neves on Nov 27, 2011 14:21:59 GMT -5
She hadn't missed it, really. She heard him say it, she just didn't quite understand that he was giving her a clue to his biggest issue with her right now. When he first started dating Allison, Riley had been jealous. She understood, she thought, and there was nothing she could do about it, so she let it go.
She felt suddenly like she was hitting walls, but he was still talking to her, and maybe she wasn't. She just wished she could make all the pain go away for both of them. "Geoff, you didn't kill me. You didn't even try to. You couldn't have controlled what happened that day, and I'm not mad or scared or anything... not of you. I'm really angry at the guy who did that to you, but he's gone now. And afterwards, I was scared that someone might still be controlling you. But it was never you and I know that. You should, too."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Nov 29, 2011 0:55:11 GMT -5
Geoffrey sighed and sank down into a spare chair across from her. "I know," he said. "I just... I never want to feel that helpless again. And yet... I still do. I can't shake it. I've been exercising a lot, trying to feel... strong again. And it's fine while I'm doing it... and then I lose it again. I just... I feel so lost, Riley..."
He was trying to be as honest with her as he could. Even if he couldn't tell her the whole story of what was bothering him, at least he could tell her most of it. After all, he had a great deal weighing on his mind right now. Sooner or later, he was going to have to start dealing with these problems, and maybe talking about them would help.
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