Dying on The Inside (Evalyn, openish)

[Natalie St. Clare]

It had been raining for days, with no sign of letting up. Normally, a little rainstorm wouldn't be enough to keep Natalie indoors, because she needed the fresh air and open sky so desperately. She had been known to trudge out to the lake in the dead of winter, until her father caught her walking out in three feet of snow.

But three days of heavy rains had taken its toll on the grounds. It resembled a swamp, with mud thick enough to swallow her shoes. The tree certainly wouldn't be climbable in this weather, and if she walked down to the lake, she was likely to slip in the mud and fall into the water. So, with great reluctance, Natalie had to spend the afternoon in the common room.

She hated the common room. It was stifling to her, with so many other students cramped into one place. She was trying to study, but studying never went well with her. For a Ravenclaw, she was not much for studying. The noises in her head and the overwhelming emotions all around her ruined her ability to concentrate.

So as she sat at the table in the very far corner of the room, she was simply staring down blankly at her Charms book, twitching oddly. Most of the other students were avoiding her, as they always did.

[Evalyn Chambers]

Evalyn Chambers entered the common room completely soaked to the skin. A few heads swiveled from their studies to inspect the drenched Ravenclaw before being absorbed by their books again. Sighing and slightly flushed from embarrassment, Eva squelched past a few chairs and couches. She had decided to go exploring earlier that day on the grounds, but the rain had rudely interrupted this plan.

Her eye was caught by a small figure in the corner of the room. And by small, she meant tiny. It was that strange and slightly creepy first year...what was her name? Natalie? The girl seemed to be struggling to keep her whole body from spasming with weird twitches; maybe she didn't like being stuck up inside either. Well, that was something Eva could relate to, and the younger girl hadn't even noticed her embarrassing entrance. She decided to go over and sit near her. "Do you mind if I join you?"

[Natalie St. Clare]

Sometimes, like today, Natalie literally felt like she was ready to jump out of her own skin. Being in a room with a couple dozen other students was torture. It was worse than class, because each person in the room had something else on their mind; another feeling or emotion. Someone, she could tell, was crushing on a girl, but that girl wanted him to leave her alone. Zoe Stratford, over in the other corner, was panicking over her exams, as always. Another girl was worried that someone didn't like her... it was all too much.

She felt Evalyn's entrance, rather than saw her. She could feel the laughter from some of the other students, and she could feel Evalyn's embarrassment, but she didn't bother to look up and see what the reason for it was. That is, she didn't look up until Evalyn approached her table.

Now she looked up at the girl, who was soaked to the bone. It didn't take an Empath to see where she had been, and Natalie cracked a smile. She had looked much like that when she had tried to go out earlier, only she hadn't made it very far before she turned back.

"I guess so," she said quietly. "You might want to get a towel, though."

[Evalyn Chambers]

Eva sighed. Even the strange girl was grinning at her mishap. She dug in her wet robes for her damp wooden wand, pointed it at herself, and murmured the hot air charm. The warm breeze enveloped her and rustled the wetness out of her clothes, rather like a fast-working blow dryer, and she sat down. "Better?"

As she settled into one of the blue chairs at the table, she inspected the girl again. Now that she was closer, she saw that this girl seemed to be extremely...what, nervous? It was like just a little extra puff of wind would blow her away. Eva couldn't help but let herself feel a little concern for the girl, as well as pity. All of the Ravenclaws seemed to give her a wide berth, including Eva herself most of the time.

She reached her hand to straighten her hair distractedly, and found that it was still a little wet. Sighing again, she cast the spell once more on her hair, then flattened it out with her fingers. A piece of hair kept falling in her eyes. She puffed at it with her own breath, annoyed, and it flew out of her face. She chuckled to herself. This particular Ravenclaw had always been easily amused; and distracted, for that matter.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Of course the girl misunderstood the reason for Natalie's smile. She had smiled because she recognized a kindred spirit in a way; they both couldn't stand to be inside for too long and would even go out in the rain if they had to. But Natalie didn't say any of this. How could she explain that she knew all that, just by the fact that the girl was dripping wet?

"I just thought you'd be more comfortable if you were dry," Natalie replied, shrugging lightly. "It's a little chilly in this corner, away from the fire."

Of course, Natalie might be the only one to feel the cold. Not only because she was small and thin, but because she might be the only one so sensitive to the ghosts of years gone by. This was the Outcast's corner, the spot where the strange and unpopular students often sat, and this part of the room still carried the emotions of fear and uncertainty and awkwardness. It was no wonder that Natalie came to sit in this spot; she identified with that feeling a little too well.

The girl hadn't introduced herself yet, and although Natalie could tell much about a person without ever talking to them, she couldn't get a name. So she put her quill down (on a blank parchment) and held out her hand to the other girl. "I'm Natalie," she said. "Most people don't talk to me."

[Evalyn Chambers]

"I was freezing when I had to walk all the way through the castle dripping wet. I was lucky Filch didn't catch me...But I'm better now that I did the hot air charm. Are you cold? Do you want to get nearer to the fire?" Eva offered. Maybe that was what was wrong with the girl; maybe she was just cold. She seemed shivery, after all.

The girl, who Eva now knew for sure was named Natalie, introduced herself. Sort of strange introduction though. Who introduces themselves as "the girl who most people don't talk to"? She took her hand and replied, "I'm Evalyn. Most people think I'm an idiot for taking a walk when the sky is overcast. Nice to meet you!"

She smiled in a friendly way at the younger girl. Well, if most people didn't talk to her, Eva, for one, would. She didn't see why not. Natalie seemed nice enough so far.

[Natalie St. Clare]

It was, in a way, a sort of warning. It also wasn't entirely true. There was Severus, of course. Lily Evans talked to her, and so did Remus Lupin. Rori Logan also talked to her, and so did Amira. But most everyone else thought she was strange, and maybe Natalie preferred it that way. After all, she knew what they were really, so she knew pretty well who was worth talking to and who wasn't.

"Nice to meet you, Evalyn."

Natalie tilted her head, fixing her piercing green eyes on the older girl. It was this kind of quiet, assessing look that made people nervous, but she quickly followed it up with a shy smile. Evalyn was genuine, and Natalie decided that she liked her.

"Most people don't understand the importance of fresh air and silence," she replied. "They miss the beauty of the clouds, and they don't hear the music in the rainfall. It's their loss."

[Evalyn Chambers]

"That's very true," Eva agreed. "No matter how much I love sunshine--and I love sunshine--there's something about rain that is so...beautiful, and irreplaceable. I was an only child for most of my life, so I learned to amuse myself with everything possible. Which, as it turned out, tended to be more outdoors than indoors. And as for silence...I may talk a lot personally, or at least my usual self tends to do so, but I find I can only be myself when I'm alone and quiet; just listening and thinking and watching."

Eva surprised herself by opening up to this girl. She hadn't ever told anyone something like that. She suddenly felt a pang of guilt for the friends she had moved on from just because she needed more "silence". Her personality wasn't the easiest thing to be around for some people; Eva could basically force herself on people she liked, and abandon them when she felt like it to make new friends. She frowned to herself.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie, on the other hand, didn't talk much in general. She craved silence, true silence, but it was hard to find. Too often she was overpowered by emotions and thoughts and visions that didn't belong to her, things that no one else should have to experience. Even when she was up in her tree, she still couldn't quite be alone in silence. Something always got in the way.

"The rain cleanses everything," she said. "It washes everything away, so that the world is clean and new again when the rain comes out."

Somehow, it was quieter when it rained. Snow was even better, as it covered everything with a blanket, muffling the sounds all around. But she couldn't exactly sit outside in the snow, at least not for very long.

"When I was little, my dad built me a treehouse, and I used to stay up there all day and night. I wouldn't even let my older sister come up, and they would levitate food in to me. I miss that treehouse... I would live in the tree by the lake if they would let me."

[Evalyn Chambers]

"You know, I think I've seen you in that tree by the lake before. I was just walking outside and I noticed a girl laying in a tree. I thought about trying it myself sometime, actually," Eva replied.

The idea of spending time alone in a tree was very appealing to Eva. Anytime she would want to be alone, she could just slip into a tree, away from the noises of everyone else. Not many people thought to look up; most people wouldn't even notice her. "Would--Would you mind if I joined you sometime?"

[Natalie St. Clare]

"I'm up there all the time. Sometimes even in winter, if there's no snow. My dad hates it. He's a professor here--he teaches ancient runes."

The only other person who had ever joined her up in the tree was Severus. It had never occurred to her to invite anyone else up there, and who would she invite, anyway? It seemed a little odd that Evalyn would want to join her, but if the girl craved peace and quiet and fresh air, maybe it wasn't so odd. Natalie understood that feeling, and the tree would definitely give her that. It always worked for Natalie.

"You could come up sometimes, if you wanted to," Natalie replied quietly.

[Evalyn Chambers]

"Oh, I didn't know you were a teacher's kid," Eva said. "I don't mean that in a bad way, like you're spoiled or something, I just meant--you know, that he's your dad." She blushed. "Sorry, I ramble sometimes."

But the other girl gave her permission to come up into the tree anyway, even though she had let her mouth run. As per usual. "Thanks very much. I'd only go if you let me, it seems like it's sort of your place. You know, your secret place. My secret place used to be this abandoned field my dad used to take me to...He taught me how to play Quidditch there, and sometimes, after school, I would go by myself and just fly. It made me feel--you know, free. Myself. I couldn't really be like that around the people at my school; they were all Muggles."

[Natalie St. Clare]

"It's OK. I know some people call me teacher's pet. But not because of my dad... I can't take his class yet. But I'm friends with both Professor Rothschilds... they watched me for a while when my dad was gone. And I have special lessons with Professor Simple, the Divination teacher."

Natalie immediately wished she hadn't said this last part. Obviously, this would raise some questions. Why would a first year student need "special lessons" in Divination, a class that she wasn't actually taking? But Professor Simple was helping her to control her so-called "gift." So far, she had been able to control some of her visions, but there didn't seem to be any way to control the overwhelming and conflicting emotions that she felt from others.

"It's important to find places where you can be yourself," Natalie agreed, hoping that she could keep the girl on this topic, so she wouldn't ask about the lessons. "I can only be myself when I'm alone. Sometimes not even then."

There was only one other person that made Natalie feel completely like herself, and that was Severus. But she wasn't exactly eager to talk about him. Many people didn't understand him the way she did. She could see inside his troubled soul, and she believed that she could save him.

[Evalyn Chambers]

"Yeah," Eva agreed simply, as Natalie switched back to their conversation. "Sometimes when I'm alone, I can't get away from my own thoughts and words. Or I can't stop thinking about someone else."

Suddenly, it clicked that the girl had mentioned having private lessons with the Divination teacher. "Wait, aren't you a little young to take Divination? I thought you had to be in third year to take extra classes."

((Sorry for such a long wait and a short response =/ I recently moved states, life is kinda hectic right now))

[Natalie St. Clare]

Natalie could only wish for a time to be completely alone with only her own thoughts to trouble her. Most of the time, her head was a mixed-up jumble of nonsensical thoughts and feelings that were unconnected with her and yet still a part of her. Only by being alone could she sort out what was hers and what could be pushed aside and blocked out.

Eva wouldn't understand that, of course... no one really understood her power. She had some help with the premonitions and visions from the Divination professor, but no one could really help her with the rest of it... she just had to sort it out all on her own.

"They're not actually extra classes.... I'm not graded or anything. It's just... sometimes I see things... Visions... and Professor Simple helps me to control them better."

[Evalyn Chambers]

Eva had of course known that it was possible for some witches to be seers or the like, but before, she had mostly thought this tended to be nonsense. She had a third year friend who took Divination as an elective, but it was only for an easy pass; the friend rarely paid attention at all. She had even called the professor crazy. This? This was different. Here was a girl, only a first year, who was saying that she saw...visions. No wonder the girl could come across as creepy.

"Oh," Eva murmured, not sure what to say. "I--" She began to say "I'm sorry", but she held herself back. It's not like seeing visions was a disease. "Well, I'm glad that you can take lessons for it." Grr, Eva, that sounded weird! She's gonna think you're making fun of her or something!

[Natalie St. Clare]

The visions were really the least of her problems, at least most of the time. Sometimes she would see something that disturbed her--like the visions of her mother's and sister's deaths. After such a vision, she would get sick and weak and usually needed to spend the day in the Hospital Wing. Professor Simple was trying to teach her to control the visions; to distance herself from them emotionally. If she entered a trance-like state, she could make prophesies, rather than see visions that would make her sick and twitchy.

Unfortunately, the lessons weren't helping very much.

"You think I'm a freak now, don't you?" Natalie said knowingly. "There's a reason I don't talk about them. People don't know how to react. Or they try to get me to tell them their future, like I'm a crystal ball or something."

[Evalyn Chambers]

"No, no, I--" Crap. Told you she'd think you were making fun of her. "I'm sorry that people do that. That's not...Well, I'm sure they just don't understand." Eva was hesitant to say anything against people who wanted Natalie to tell their futures or something; it was an understandable response, as Eva was discovering with her mind process after finding out who this girl was. But they shouldn't make fun of her or just use her.

"What do you...What's it like? Seeing things? You don't have to tell me, it's okay if you don't, really. I mean, you probably wouldn't want to, you've probably been asked that before and it's probably hard to explain and I'm probably just rambling and not making very much sense..." Eva hesitated. "You probably don't want me up in your tree now..." ...Now that I've made a complete idiot of myself in my response.

[Natalie St. Clare]

Actually, the only person who had ever asked her what the visions were like was Severus. Even her father, as understanding as he was, had never asked her that question. Of course, he was always more worried about the emotions, which were more constant.

"They come differently each time," she explained quietly. "They used to come in dreams. I would have these horrible, vivid dreams of terrible things happening to people I didn't even know. I take a potion now that helps it... so I just get the visions occasionally. If I touch someone... even if I bump into them in the hall sometimes... I get these flashes. It doesn't happen every time. But... my eyes go all fuzzy, and sometimes my head hurts really bad..."

She gave a small smile then, almost unconsciously trying to set the other girl at ease. Eva didn't know it, but Natalie could feel everything that she was feeling--the embarrassment, the awkwardness. "It's OK. You can still come up sometimes."

[Evalyn Chambers]

As the girl explained what the visions were like, Eva's frown grew deeper. That was awful that anyone should have to go through all that on a day to day basis. Just touching someone could cause a huge headache; unbelievable. "Thank you, because I really would like to come up sometime," she replied, reaching a hand out before remembering a touch could be hurtful. Instead, Eva let it rest on the table.

Eva was one of those people that had an overall good life. No major tragedies growing up, nothing that made her that special. She had even craved for something bad to happen just to make herself more interesting. But she knew that she should really be grateful.