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Post by Lyra Newbury on Mar 22, 2009 2:25:49 GMT -5
She loved her hair to be played with and Julian seemed to know that as he let her hair down and caressed her scalp. She moaned against his lips, curling deeper into the cradle his body made as he sat in the chair. "I was so nervous that you might not feel the same," she said between kisses.
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Post by Julian Faust on Mar 25, 2009 18:48:55 GMT -5
It hit him then with her words as a cold dousing bucket of ice water. Feel the same way? It was him? She was talking about him? He tensed every muscle in his frame which from a female perspective wasn't such a bad thing but chills assailed his spine. He had been a blind fool that was for sure, and almost immediately the recrimination began against himself.
Of course she was falling for you, you idiot. You're irresistible. Well perhaps not in such an egotistical setting, but you've been playing the white night now for days it's only natural...
Inwardly his mind wouldn't let up, his fingers stilled her hair and he pulled back his kiss, " Me?"
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Apr 4, 2009 22:46:55 GMT -5
She smiled as she felt the muscles in his arms tighten, mistaking the action for something it clearly wasn't. When she felt him pull away she too leaned back, a quizzical look on her face. She didn't understand what he meant by "me?" right away. Lyra was quite sure he wasn't done speaking, but nothing else came out. Her hands dropped slightly though they still rested on his chest, finally realizing her mistake. Another mistake.
"You...don't feel the same...do you?" Her voice shook slightly as she prepared to be crushed yet again. Why did she keep doing this to herself?
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Post by Julian Faust on Apr 9, 2009 14:38:52 GMT -5
"No ..." he said but then realizing what he said he shook his head fiercely, "No, no I don't mean "no" like...that I just mean..." what did he mean? He needed to do some fast thinking, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, and strangely looking up into her eyes he felt that statement deep within himself.
"Lyra..." he began the emotion in his voice making it deeper and richer, his arms tightened around her and his hand went to her cheek, "You're exquisite..." he told her honestly, then with a hint of self derision, " Far too exquisite for a man like me." his eyes lowered, " I don't know how to explain to you...but I..." he shook his head, "I could never make you happy, not the way you deserve to be happy."
That was pathetic and he hated the position he was in, he knew more words would only dig him deeper but he had to tell her, " Were I a whole man...I would love you to the depths of myself...you're very easy to love."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Apr 11, 2009 16:17:57 GMT -5
She felt his arms tighten around her waist, stopping any hope she had of running to her dormitory where he couldn't follow and staying there until the school term ended. She was forced to listen to his excuses as to why she still wasn't worthy of anyone's love. He talked more than Rystain had when he crushed her. Julian, not ever having anything like a relationship with Lyra before, was not so kind. He talked as Lyra's eyes began to water. She had cried too much lately and was unable to stop herself from doing so now.
"Please just let me go, Julian. I don't want to hear this anymore. I don't need your excuses or pity. Just let me go." She tried to remove his strong hands from around her waist, but she wasn't trying very hard.
"Were I a whole man...I would love you to the depths of myself...you're very easy to love."
"Then why don't you? If I'm so easy to love, why can't you love me? What did I do wrong?" It had to be her. He couldn't be at fault as he was not the first person to dismiss her like this. She was unlovable, no matter what Julian tried to say now. "You wouldn't be doing this if I were lovable."
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Post by Julian Faust on Apr 12, 2009 19:32:17 GMT -5
Dear Lord she was tempting...and those eyes, so large and luminous the teary sheen lending even more beauty to her. That tangible vulnerability in those eyes were undoing him and he wanted to stop the pain. He could see her thoughts and he understood them, he who had been so careful in the past to make sure girls didn't fall for him knowing that they were indeed vulnerable and insecure about their own worth. He had tried very hard to make her believe in herself again, he knew that a woman like Lyra had been full and vivacious before Rystain, and he had seen sparks of that coming back, now he had doused her flame like a bucket of ice water.
"Listen to me..." he said not letting her go, holding a little tighter as if he could force his words into her understanding, " I know you won't believe me if I told you that it wasn't you, that it was me, that there's something wrong with me, but you have to believe it Lyra."
He sighed, then nearly whimpered as her eyes welled with tears, heaven help a man faced with a woman's tears, " Don't cry..." it was very tempting to simply kiss her and take her where she was at, tell her that he was an idiot and that he cared about her, to hell with telling her, he'd show her were he a lesser man he might have done it, or were he a stronger man he might have done it. In either case he knew that the two of them would never have a happy ending, as a lesser man he might have risked it anyway just to get away from her tears, as a stronger man he could have made love to her and stayed with her until she realized she didn't really love him. But he wasn't a strong man, he had already proved that by letting things get this far.
The kind of intimacy required could in effect undo that oh so carefully constructed wall he placed around the broken fragments of his heart, and he vowed never to risk it, never to defile his one true love's memory by opening his heart to another.
His derision grew more and more toward himself, he was a hypocrite asking her, asking all the girls he had helped to move on after someone broke their heart, he asked them to be strong, and brave enough to open their hearts to someone else, while he hid in the shadows. Yes he was a hypocrite, yes he was a damned man.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Apr 17, 2009 17:05:10 GMT -5
She tried to listen, because he had asked her to and she so wanted to please him. Even if he didn't love her, she wanted to make him happy. But what he was saying sounded like such a line. It's not you, it's me?! How many girls had heard that one?
"Julian..." She stopped struggling against him, and forced herself to keep the tears back as he told her not to cry. "If there's something wrong, wouldn't you want to fix it? I mean, that's why you're here right? To fix things for me. Let me do the same for you."
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Post by Julian Faust on Apr 17, 2009 17:14:56 GMT -5
He wanted to tell her that it was different, that he was different, but he knew how hypocritical it would be.
"I can't." he whispered, "I'm sorry." part of him was closing up, it would be easier to pull away from her now, she might hate him but not nearly as much as she would have were he to allow her to "fix" him. He was hurting her less this way.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Apr 17, 2009 17:42:18 GMT -5
Her eyes dropped to the floor again and she just stared for a moment. He was supposed to help her out, and here he was making her feel just as bad as she had when he had found her. What was the point of this all? If only Sam was feeling better, then Lyra could take it out on her. Without looking at him, Lyra began to speak very softly. "I don't think its such a good idea for you to be here anymore."
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Post by Julian Faust on Apr 17, 2009 18:37:06 GMT -5
Julian sighed, it was time to bow out gracefully and give her some space. He'd find the right words, the right things to do and then he'd come back and do them, he always found ways to sooth over ladies and he needed to make sure he hadn't hurt Lyra anyworse than she had already been hurt. Damn him for a fool.
He nodded and let her go so he could leave as she wanted him to.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Apr 18, 2009 0:26:24 GMT -5
When she was free from his arms she got up and stood on the other side of the tiny corner where they had isolated themselves, her arms crossed. She wanted to tell him off for wasting her time, but deep down she knew he had only helped out because he was a nice guy. Damn him.
She needed a way to let off this frustration she felt and to keep herself from thinking too much about it. If only Ethan hadn't told her he wouldn't sleep with her until later, that'd get her mind off Julian. Although Ethan wasn't the only guy she could think of at the moment. Where was that Rabastan at?
"Thank you for your work," she said rather formally.
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Post by Julian Faust on Apr 20, 2009 1:11:46 GMT -5
If he had known her mind, that she was going to run to some guy and be his plaything, or have him be her plaything he might have done something different, instead there was too much to think about on his own, he hated to hurt her, but he didn't know what to do with Love, more than any other guy or just like the rest of them he supposed, he just didn't have the answers.
Sighing and shooting her a look of regret he muttered, "I never meant to hurt you..." he told her before leaving more dejected than he had felt in a very long time.
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