Post by Rystain Quandry on Oct 21, 2008 10:53:08 GMT -5
"Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool. Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules."
Rystain sat in the trophy room, it was his quiet place and he needed to think. With a flick of his wand, he locked the door so he wouldn't be disturbed as he pulled out his journal. He had many things in it over the years, but it was rarely used considering it was only about three quarters of the way full since his first year at Hogwarts. But there were times like these where he needed to sort his thoughts. He pulled out a quill and began to write...
I don't know how, why or when it happened. But somewhere along the line, my actions have finally caught up with me. I never wanted to hurt anyone, especially Leilani or Lyra. Both of them I went to with intentions to please them and share with them his passion and friendship. Each was so different from the other, both with so much to give in seperate ways. And although I tried to do so with no strings, with warnings of how I am... in the end the best of intentions were tied into knots, and I am the puppet held by those invisible strings.
Ryan was right, I shouldn't have let either of them get so close. I shouldn't have let myself care. But in the end, I fell for them both. Both have a grasp on my heart and I am torn into two. Neither of the girls are like the other, both seperate in my heart and mind. When I'm with one, the other doesn't intrude, my attention completely in the moment of who I'm with. Both have so much to offer and give, so much I want. And yet despite their knowledge that they'd have to share me with others.. that I would not be only theirs. I'm forced to choose between them.
Lyra, my best friend and lover, a true match to my life. I could have married her easily, she would have been the kind of wife I needed in my life. She would not have made me change, and yet she is also the most resiliant girl I know. She wouldn't have been faithful either, it was true... but then he could understand it and deal with it. Well.. execpt for seeing her with Rabastan. That hurt me to see, I can't deny it. And I know it is hypocritical of me, but I feel it nevertheless.
Lani, the one who truely knows how to surprise me and every time I turn around she shows a new facet of herself that I am drawn to. She is someone I could spend my life knowing and yet always be learning something new. She would be faithful, as a wife, I know. But she would likely also expect the same from me. And I know I will likely only hurt her in the end. But I know that I should try. She is fragile and yet strong in the same breath, a contradiction of everything and a challenge to his mind to understand and grasp all that she is and could be. I can speak to her in French and she understands me, isn't threatened by it. She too could be the prefect match, but in compeltely different ways.
So here I sit, in my silent sanctuary with nothing but the gleam of names from the past staring at me. And my heart yearns for two beautiful and different women, two women that are unable to accept the other in my arms. And so I did what I was forced into and chose one of them. But I know that I still love both, that I have somehow managed to give my heart unintentionally to two women who have for some reason fallen in love with me as well. I should have just walked away from both of them... at least I would have not had to watch Lyra's heart breaking and half of my own as well. My only consolance is seeing Lani smile at me, knowing that I will try for her. Is it better to walk away from them both or to make the impossible choice I was forced into?
Even now I don't know if the choice was right or wrong, I don't think that there really is a right or wrong answer in love. And I'm the idiot who fell for them both... who let my heart care for the only two women I have been with in the past month. I know that Lyra will live on without me, find another man to fill her bed and eventually her heart. I only hope that one day she'll forgive me for making an impossible choice that I never wanted to make at all. How do you tell two girls that you love them both equally and seperately? That I have enough love in my heart for two equal matches to who I am?
But now, I guess I'll never know... fate has strange ways of tying you in knots and making you dance to its tune. And here I am torn between two lovers, and loving both of them... knowing I can only make one happy and one miserable... No matter what choice I made, that was the only result available besides making two women unhappy at once. And I didn't have the ability to break both halves of my heart... but I'm sure that eventually there will be debts I will pay for hurting Lyra. Debts that no money can repay. All I can hope is that I can save what is left of my heart....
Rystain sat in the trophy room, it was his quiet place and he needed to think. With a flick of his wand, he locked the door so he wouldn't be disturbed as he pulled out his journal. He had many things in it over the years, but it was rarely used considering it was only about three quarters of the way full since his first year at Hogwarts. But there were times like these where he needed to sort his thoughts. He pulled out a quill and began to write...
I don't know how, why or when it happened. But somewhere along the line, my actions have finally caught up with me. I never wanted to hurt anyone, especially Leilani or Lyra. Both of them I went to with intentions to please them and share with them his passion and friendship. Each was so different from the other, both with so much to give in seperate ways. And although I tried to do so with no strings, with warnings of how I am... in the end the best of intentions were tied into knots, and I am the puppet held by those invisible strings.
Ryan was right, I shouldn't have let either of them get so close. I shouldn't have let myself care. But in the end, I fell for them both. Both have a grasp on my heart and I am torn into two. Neither of the girls are like the other, both seperate in my heart and mind. When I'm with one, the other doesn't intrude, my attention completely in the moment of who I'm with. Both have so much to offer and give, so much I want. And yet despite their knowledge that they'd have to share me with others.. that I would not be only theirs. I'm forced to choose between them.
Lyra, my best friend and lover, a true match to my life. I could have married her easily, she would have been the kind of wife I needed in my life. She would not have made me change, and yet she is also the most resiliant girl I know. She wouldn't have been faithful either, it was true... but then he could understand it and deal with it. Well.. execpt for seeing her with Rabastan. That hurt me to see, I can't deny it. And I know it is hypocritical of me, but I feel it nevertheless.
Lani, the one who truely knows how to surprise me and every time I turn around she shows a new facet of herself that I am drawn to. She is someone I could spend my life knowing and yet always be learning something new. She would be faithful, as a wife, I know. But she would likely also expect the same from me. And I know I will likely only hurt her in the end. But I know that I should try. She is fragile and yet strong in the same breath, a contradiction of everything and a challenge to his mind to understand and grasp all that she is and could be. I can speak to her in French and she understands me, isn't threatened by it. She too could be the prefect match, but in compeltely different ways.
So here I sit, in my silent sanctuary with nothing but the gleam of names from the past staring at me. And my heart yearns for two beautiful and different women, two women that are unable to accept the other in my arms. And so I did what I was forced into and chose one of them. But I know that I still love both, that I have somehow managed to give my heart unintentionally to two women who have for some reason fallen in love with me as well. I should have just walked away from both of them... at least I would have not had to watch Lyra's heart breaking and half of my own as well. My only consolance is seeing Lani smile at me, knowing that I will try for her. Is it better to walk away from them both or to make the impossible choice I was forced into?
Even now I don't know if the choice was right or wrong, I don't think that there really is a right or wrong answer in love. And I'm the idiot who fell for them both... who let my heart care for the only two women I have been with in the past month. I know that Lyra will live on without me, find another man to fill her bed and eventually her heart. I only hope that one day she'll forgive me for making an impossible choice that I never wanted to make at all. How do you tell two girls that you love them both equally and seperately? That I have enough love in my heart for two equal matches to who I am?
But now, I guess I'll never know... fate has strange ways of tying you in knots and making you dance to its tune. And here I am torn between two lovers, and loving both of them... knowing I can only make one happy and one miserable... No matter what choice I made, that was the only result available besides making two women unhappy at once. And I didn't have the ability to break both halves of my heart... but I'm sure that eventually there will be debts I will pay for hurting Lyra. Debts that no money can repay. All I can hope is that I can save what is left of my heart....
