Post by Isabella Rothschild on May 10, 2007 21:49:43 GMT -5
The first time I held my baby in my arms, I knew what eternity felt like. It was the purest, deepest love I have ever experienced. Looking down at this tiny, helpless person, who depended completely on me, it was like the past and the present and the future merged into one precious instant. I looked down at him, and he looked up at me, and our eyes connected. Of course he had no idea what was going on; who I was or who he was. But instinctively, we connected. We bonded in that second. I swore right then and there that I would never let anything happen to him.
And now he's gone. Stolen from me by some cruel person working for Voldemort. And I feel like there's a hole where my heart used to be. My heart is with my baby, and I can't breathe until I get him back.
Conor was with Voltaire when he was taken, but I know it wasn't Voltaire's fault. Of course I blamed him at first. What else could I do? Without the kidnapper in front of me, I blamed the first person I saw. But Voltaire wasn't to blame. And I love him, no matter what has happened. If he were here now, I don't know what I would do, or how I would feel. In some ways, I am still angry with him, even though I know it is irrational. But I am most angry about the fact that he's gone.
I have never been sweet and gentle and forgiving. I have a hard edge. At times, I can be downright harsh. I used to be evil. He knew all that and loved me anyway. So why is it that he ran off when I said some harsh words? I admit it, I was too hard on him. I hate myself for it. But would I take it back now if I had the chance? No. I was honest. I couldn't be affectionate with him, because I needed to focus on getting Conor back. Conor was and still is my number 1 priority. He has to be. As much as I love Voltaire, Conor must come first. He depends on me completely and utterly. I cannot let him down. And every second he passes in the lair of Voldemort, I am letting him down.
So I will work on putting my family back together, one piece at a time. I'll get Conor back, and I don't care what it takes. If I must kill, I will. Then, when I have my son back in my arms, I will try to make amends with Voltaire.
I only hope that I am strong enough for this challenge.
And now he's gone. Stolen from me by some cruel person working for Voldemort. And I feel like there's a hole where my heart used to be. My heart is with my baby, and I can't breathe until I get him back.
Conor was with Voltaire when he was taken, but I know it wasn't Voltaire's fault. Of course I blamed him at first. What else could I do? Without the kidnapper in front of me, I blamed the first person I saw. But Voltaire wasn't to blame. And I love him, no matter what has happened. If he were here now, I don't know what I would do, or how I would feel. In some ways, I am still angry with him, even though I know it is irrational. But I am most angry about the fact that he's gone.
I have never been sweet and gentle and forgiving. I have a hard edge. At times, I can be downright harsh. I used to be evil. He knew all that and loved me anyway. So why is it that he ran off when I said some harsh words? I admit it, I was too hard on him. I hate myself for it. But would I take it back now if I had the chance? No. I was honest. I couldn't be affectionate with him, because I needed to focus on getting Conor back. Conor was and still is my number 1 priority. He has to be. As much as I love Voltaire, Conor must come first. He depends on me completely and utterly. I cannot let him down. And every second he passes in the lair of Voldemort, I am letting him down.
So I will work on putting my family back together, one piece at a time. I'll get Conor back, and I don't care what it takes. If I must kill, I will. Then, when I have my son back in my arms, I will try to make amends with Voltaire.
I only hope that I am strong enough for this challenge.
